May 1 - It's May!!! I guess that I can't complain the time is moving right along. I saw on CNN news about the shootings at Virginia Tech University. It's tragic that life can come down to this. I want to express my prayers of support to the families, students and staff that are affiliated with the university. Being here I can truly understand how things can just change in an instant. I'm going on patrol again today. We spent the night down at the station house. I don't know what we are going to do because the temperatures are slowing climbing. Today weather will climb to about a hundred degrees of heat. I like this weather better than when I am down at Fort Jackson, South Carolina for basic training. The heat there is mixed with the humidity and it is brutal!! If you add the heat index the temperatures can reach as high as 104 degrees for a two week period! Here in Baghdad it's more of a dry heat with some wind current. It will be soon for me to open that bottle of sun screen. We have one guy on team that I will call 'mayonnaise legs'. When he takes off his pants to go to bed he has the whitest legs that I have ever seen on a white man! 'Mayonnaise legs' sleeps on the bunk bed over my bed. There was one morning while we were all getting dress and when he gets up in the morning he hangs his legs over the side of bed. When he does this he doesn't pay attention when he does this because his legs are sometimes straight in my face! Well one morning I got tired of this and I screamed "where are my Oakley sunglasses, I can't see!!!!! Well thank goodness that 'mayo legs' has a sense of humor. We all laughed about it. These pranks help us get through the day around here.

May 2 - Out on mission today. I was in third position in the convoy today. That means I can throw candy at the kids today. Thank all of you for sending me candy for the kids. Trust me, they are in the bellies of young Iraqi children. Like I've stated before when they see those American vehicles they instantly shout out their cry for candy. We have to be careful to throw the candy from our rear vehicle because these children will literally jump out into oncoming traffic for a piece of candy. My favorite place to throw candy is in the poor neighborhoods. The children there live in an area that is surrounded by bombed out houses and trash piles everywhere. It is amazing what is used to make a house. Some of the houses are made out of collected bricks from other houses. There is no running water but you can bet you will see a satellite dish on top of it. In some yards there are goats or either sheep. In a yard or two a donkey can be found hitched to a cart for transportation. In America our poorest people don't live like this. These people have my compassion. Hey, I can see some kids coming up in the distance. I have a fist full of candy ready to throw to them!

May 4 - Today I was done at the maintenance area. I saw a Bradley tank that had been hit with an IED (improvised explosive device). It looked like a plastic toy tank that was left out in the sun! The armor and all it metal was melted! Then I began to think about the people that were in that were in that tank. That could have easily been me. This is the most serious situation that I have been in the most of my 23 year military career.

May 6 - As my time ensues onward here I have time to think about the little things that I appreciate. Of course I appreciate my wife, son and daughter so much. I realized that I have the personality of my father. When I ride in his truck with him while he does his errands I noticed that he will talk to everyone every where we go. I noticed also that not only do I have my mother's looks but I have her sensitivity that I have now passed on to my daughter. I miss my venti bold cup of Star bucks coffee. I miss my students from my fitness classes. I miss sleeping in my own bed and taking a bath in my own bathroom. I miss attending church and sunday dinner right after that. All I can say to all of you that read this is please don't take the little things in your life for granted. You may think that your life isn't going the way you planned it but I say to you be 'thankful'. I wake up everyday to face the chance of being killed or watching someone else be killed. I see people and animals rummage through the trash to salvage something for a meal. Killing is an everyday thing here. So if you want to honor me and the guys that are over here I want you to go to someone today and tell them that you appreciate them. Tell them Sgt. Roy sent you! When I return to Charlotte I won't be the same. I will be changed and I hope for the better.

May 8 - We got hit with an IED today. We were headed back to camp when it happened. It happened right behind me! We were able to limp back to camp. When we surveyed the damage it was a horrible scene. First of all no one was hurt but the bullet proof glass on the right side of the vehicle was all but crushed. There were holes from all of the scrap metal in the trunk area. I heard the explosion and it kind of jarred me forward as I turned to look back at what happened. God is good and he has taken care of us since we have been here. No one stopped to thank God. I don't put my trust in all of this electronic stuff or plated armour that is around me. It is the grace of God that is with us. I tell the guys that but they accommodate my comment and move on to something else. It doesn't matter if they agree with me or not God is our source of safety. For security reasons I can't give any more details but all of my team is healthy and safe. When we got back as crazy as it sounds they all took pictures of the damage like they caught a prized trout or something!

May 9 - Well our vehicle is in for repairs. It is amazing how the maintenance shops here can get a vehicle up and running just about over night! We are here on the camp today. I can tell that they guys are so relieved that we are not going out today. We went back down to the shop to take a better look at the vehicle. Some of the scrap metal went completely through the trunk of the truck. It is amazing because as we travel the streets of Baghdad it is difficult to spot the person or persons who trigger the explosion. It's just as frustrating because we can't see the person or persons who detonated the explosive device. Well at least we have courtesy and respect for the citizens living in the area. I have a story the other day that a convoy was traveling down one of the roads in Baghdad. A insurgent inside a car threw a grenade out the window attempting to cripple one of the vehicles. Well long story, short, the grenade did nothing but flatten the tire of the vehicle, It still managed to kill a small group of young girls en route on their school. We play with rules and the enemy doesn't have too.

May 10 - We got hit again!!!!! It was the same vehicle too! We were almost back at base camp when the explosion happen. When I heard it I was in the gunner's hatch. It was then we slowed down and let the vehicle that got hit come around in front of us. As they past us on the right I heard our driver say "damn'. I turned and saw that the trunk hatch door was completely blown off! The right side tire was just hanging barely on the rim. Part of our mission is to move quickly out of the 'kill zone' quickly and soon as possible. The destroyed vehicle under our protection made it back to base camp. We pulled up to the maintenance shop and the mechanics couldn't believe that the vehicle that they just worked on 2 days ago was damaged again! Before all this happen I just had a feeling something was going on. While we were in the city I heard at least 4 explosions in the distance somewhere. The communication on the radio network was more than usual. Well I guess the most important thing is no one got hurt. It just feels like I'm part of some silly sick game in which I have no idea how to play.

May 12 - There was one point of interest I forgot to mention that happen to us one day. We were traveling through the city and it was then that our chief decided that we should stop by one of the TCPs (traffic control points) to say hello to our Iraqi soldiers that we work with. Well we got there and as always when we park we always take up an defensive posture for security. It was then that one of the soldiers came over to our vehicle to talk with us. Through the assistance of an interpreter he reported that their checkpoint was hit thirty minutes ago by a mortar rocket attack. It was then that he walked over to where there was a pile of dirt to go get something that he found. When he came back he was carrying an actual mortar in his hands!!!! Well all of us who was watching this froze in shock! It was then that our guy in the truck instructed this guy to put the round back to where it was. It was then we got the sign to move out and head back to camp. I don't want to think about what could have happened but we laughed hysterically about it over lunch when we got back. I prefer the man slipping on a banana peal joke myself. What the heck if you can find something to laugh about here it helps with getting through the day.

May 13 - We found out that our vehicle will be totaled out. I also found out that the cost for a Hummer without all the electronics is $147,000! Man what a high sticker price for a vehicle. I will just say this I was in a yard where they take these damage vehicles and if you do the math I think I stop counting at about 4 million! My teammate and I stopped to talk with the civilian that worked there. The civilian here have it made. They come here and work just one year and they make between 100 - 150K tax free. Well anyway, he told us how these vehicles come to his yard beyond repair and how they stripped for parts. It was then he brought us over to a vehicle that just came in a few days ago. It was from an attack that took the legs and later the life of a colonel that was sitting in the front seat. It was as if he was giving us the play by play of the attack as he walked us around the vehicle. He pointed out all the impacted areas of the vehicle. He showed us where the guy sitting in the rear behind the driver was very lucky. He told us how the scrap metal had gone under his seat and hit the plate but didn't hit the guy. Of course I went back on the other side to see the damage that was done. An ice ball began forming in my stomach. There were four guys sitting in this truck about two days ago. Oh my Lord, what does the future hold for these guys? Then the guy that lost his legs, what will his life be like now? This could have easily been me and my team. The reality of all this just shook me. Then I thought about the families that are behind these soldiers. Nonetheless another vehicle will be produced and pushed out the door ready for another mission. These lives that were in this vehicle just a few days ago are worth far more than a $147K truck!

May 15 - The heat is here! We are in the 108 - 110 mark for heat. The heat here is different. You will get a gush of wind with it at times. I guess they call it dry heat. I have to make sure I put some sun block on because I will come home 2 shades darker. Having been a drill sergeant at Fort Jackson, S. C. where the heat is mixed with humidity I can usually get through a hot day. But heat is funny, if you don't watch it you can get dehydrated very easily. There was one day a week where I would teach 3 aerobic classes back to back and not drink a single glass of water! Here I have to be very careful to remember to drink water. Wearing the body armor and all of my equipment will drain my body of strength. Here at the camp they place pallets of water everywhere where people can just grab a bottle of water everywhere they go. I have to admit that 'old sarge' here is loosing some of that gut! I want to thank all of you who sent me care packages from home. Thank you so much! The guys tease me because my room has so much food and goodies that they call my room the PX! As some of you know me of course I share my bounty with my team. I am in good spirits today. I think I will go get myself a haircut today. I always feel better when I get a fresh haircut.

May 16 - I heard a few days ago about the 3 soldiers that are missing here in Baghdad. I want to call on all of you that have faith to pray for these guys safe return. Pray for their families who are just worried sick about them. My wife had a scare 4 days ago when some unit somewhere in Tennessee called her. She wasn't home at the time. So she returned their message and when their voice mail picked up it was a medical unit!! She panicked because she thought they were trying to contact her to tell her if I was injured or killed. So no one picked up the phone. It wasn't until I got online on my computer that she was able to relax to find out that I was okay. So I just can image what these soldiers families are going through right now. So Charlotte, and my friends around the world give prayer and concern for my comrades and their families. All I can tell you that here they are doing everything they call to find these guys. I pray God's protection over these men.

May 17 - Well hello Charlotte this is yours truly sending greetings from the craziest place on earth right now, Baghdad, Iraq! I have to humor myself to help me keep my sanity. We were in a Shia neighborhood today with our Iraqi counterparts doing a search of houses. Today I’m riding in the gunner’s hatch. From here I have a bird’s eye view of the entire street.  I noticed two little girls about the age of 8 holding hands walking down the street. They were wearing catholic like school dresses. Their heads weren’t covered and they had their hair in a pony tail hairstyle. As they walk towards our vehicle they both smiled and waved at me and my driver who was eating some pop tarts as they passed by. “It’s a shame that these kids have to live through this” was his comment to me. I agreed with him because it’s a shame. I’ve written before that these kids are no different than our kids in the United States. The heat is about 110 degrees today. Of course the sun is directly over me and I can feel the sun bake into my uniform. I look down the other end of the street and I see another young girl coming down the street carrying a bag of bread (I love the Iraqi bread!!!) that she brought from the market. It’s then that I hear shots ring out in the distance! I spin my hatch around side to side to see if I can notice anyone shooting. My eyes fall back to the young girl who now is running to her house which is next to our truck. She opens the gate and goes inside to safety. It couldn’t have been 10 minutes until later she comes back outside and heads down the street to run another errand for her mother! You talk about living with the circumstances around you!

May 19 - Today I had my first experience with explosives! We were out today and I want everyone to understand that my role here is one of an advisor to the Iraqi National Police. We are to teach them techniques and tactics to help them be a self sufficient fighting force for the security and safety of Iraq. I also want to let you all know that Baghdad even though it is considered a city there are really no skyscrapers or skyline apartment building here. It’s just a large collage of neighborhoods that are made up of houses that extend out forever. In the downtown area there are a few large scale buildings but the rest of Baghdad is made up of neighborhoods. Well today we were out with them on a mission in a neighborhood. Someone discovered a strange pipe looking object in the yard of one of the houses. When this happens we call our demolition team. When they come out it is very impressive. When they want to check out a possible bomb threat they have this robot that is remote controlled from the vehicle. The robot resembles something like a small little toy tank that has a long arm attached to it. So it happens today that my vehicle was parked directly in front of the yard where this pipe was located. I saw the robot come up and do its little analysis and then finally pulled the pipe into the middle of the yard. We were all then instructed to clear the residents from both sides of the yard and take cover ourselves. The demolition team had decided to blow this IED up! The residents had been evacuated, the soldiers on the ground had taken cover and we were told to move our vehicle up half a block for cover. When the blast came it took me by surprise because the concussion blew my body mixed with air and dust upward! Wow! I guess, no, I know this will be the closest I will ever get to being actually blown up!

May 20 - As of June we will be rolling into our 6th month being here in Iraq. Time really has gone by fast. Minor irritations are setting in amongst the team. I can catch myself getting annoyed by certain people on the team. As for me, I have my faith that keeps me in check but the other guys are really trying to keep the peace. I know that since Kansas we have been together as a team for about 8 and ½ months! The personalities of all of us are different. I guess with the ever increasing surge in violence here in Baghdad everyone is dealing with it the best that they can. Our chief has mandated us to have 1 hour a week of ‘forced fun’ with each other. That means we have to plan an activity for the whole team to do together. I don’t think any understands that when we come back into the camp’s gates everyone needs the time to unwind both mentally and physically. Some of the guys go to the gym here. There are two guys (yours truly is one of them) is going to college online. I found an aerobics class once a week to teach at the gym. So having that time to release the anxiety and stress is vital to this team. Well when it comes to my turn to plan an activity I think I might make these men do aerobics! One gear wide open!

May 22 - Hello Charlotte, it me again. I have gotten so many emails, care packages and letters from all of you. I want to say that you to all of you! I want to thank Rachel Clapp and her staff at WCNC/NBC for supporting me and my ‘Life on Line’ stories from here in Baghdad. I want you all to keep these soldiers in your prayers of support here. When I go out on a mission I wear a headset in which I can hear all of the radio calls on the network. Today some U.S. soldiers were killed by an IED. For the sake of security I can’t reveal detail information. I just ask that you keep us soldiers in your prayers. Its funny how that as I ride through the streets of Baghdad I think back to when I worked in downtown Charlotte. I can’t help but think that my life as an American my life is so sheltered. Just like all of you, I too watch the current events of the world from the safety of my living room not worrying about being shot at or blown up. As the faces pass me by on the streets here I try to comprehend how these people do it. They all have families like the rest of us. I wonder what their hopes are. I wonder what future they can see if any. I know for me I will return home and go back probably to working downtown sipping my cup of Starbucks venti bold coffee that I paid $3 for. Things like water, food and gas are survival items here. If you don’t have any of these items chances are you will not make it.

May 23 - Today I received a package along with a letter from my Dad. I want everyone to know that I consider my Dad to be one of my heroes. With a 5th grade education my Dad and my Mom raised 6 children. My Dad did later on go on to get his GED. When he writes a letter he still writes in print letters but as I read his letter I became encouraged by his simple words. My Dad isn't the most emotional person in the world but for him to send me a care package let’s me know that he is worried for me. I learned one thing is that I have inherited his inner strength to never quit in any situation. He is a great man to me. In my box I got tons of beef jerky. What I got from this was his expression of care for me. My Dad is special to me. I’ve got to go load up the truck for another mission today. I feel good today. I've got to get busy because I’ve got a lot of jerky to eat.

May 25 - The violence is picking up in the city. I hear more mortar attacks than usual on our camp. When that happens I just continue what I am doing and pray that one of those rounds don't land anywhere near me! What scares me is that I am becoming so accustomed to it. The impact startles me but for the most part I just continue with what I was doing. I am just about at my six month mark on being here. As I've stated before my memories of places and faces are slowing fading away. When we go outside 'the wire' I am not aware of time. I am so busy trying to watch every face and every street corner to stay alert for any possible attack. When we come back in it's the strangest thing, I will pick right back up with time.

May 26 - The heat is unbearable today. I think it's about 115 degrees. The wind does blow here but it's like standing in front of a hair dryer. I am for the first time in my life beginning to wear sun block. Some of the white soldiers are beginning to sport tans. I don't need that by any means! I have to remember to drink water because this sun can really dehydrate you. I can feel my demeanor changing. When I got here I was so afraid of leaving the camp. Now I am trying to keep an optimistic attitude about this war but the things I see here are discouraging. For one thing there doesn't seem to be a unity of the people for the solidarity of Iraq. It just seems that the people are choosing sides from all different directions. There is so much that these people have to overcome before they become a solid nation.

May 28 - There is one interesting fact here in Iraq and that is marriage. I was sitting outside talking to one of our interpreters and he explained to me how marriage is done in Iraq. When I got here I noticed that people belonged to either the Shia or Sunni sect. What was interesting is that they also belong to a tribe. Our interpreter James has been married for about 3 years and he has 3 children. He told me that his parents picked his wife for him. He told me that wives are usually a first cousin in their family structure. I told him that in America we don't have a law against it but that kind of practice is strongly discouraged. I told him that growing up there were a few of my female cousins that were good looking and that I would possibly consider such an undertaking. He thought it was strange that Americans frown upon marrying their cousins. I told him that genetics played a big part it! I asked him how does he feel turning his daughter over to such a practice.? He said that the young man being that he is in their family structure he felt he has some authority over the young man. The integrity of the family is an important issue here. The houses here which I think are simply beautiful are inhabited by two or sometimes three families. Also the men here can have up to 4 wives! i have met at least two men that have two wives. 4 wives? That's too much estrogen for me!

May 30 - We are staying the night at this abandoned house! We have no air conditioner, electricity or windows! For security reasons I can reveal the location or describe it. All I know is that this will be a tough night for me to sleep. They say the heat is in the 120s today. Well I got what I bargained for. I have the experience of a lifetime to be living in an abandon house that was once owned by a prominent Sunni family. The house is completely gutted out and the only thing is left is a shell with bare walls. Don't worry the engineers are coming to install the comforts of home soon but until then I have to prepare to sweat it out.

June 1 - It's June!! I have about two months before I can start planning my leave back home to the states. This is a 14 day break that the Army gives every soldier to help alleviate battle stress and help the soldier cope with the pressures of war. My family and I are excited and believe it or not I don't have a lot planned. I just want to enjoy the simple things that I miss such as sleeping in my own bed. I want use a bathroom with running water. I want to eat my favorite food which is Chinese. I want to spend time with my wife and kids. I want to walk downtown Charlotte and not have to hurry to a 1 p.m. meeting. I want to wear regular clothes for awhile. I want to eat in a restaurant. Well if I keep busy the time will go by fast. This week they got me driving this time. The focus as a driver is different. I try to keep my eye on the road and which for any thing strange in the road. I find myself looking at every crater in the road. The vehicle is a handful to handle driving while wearing body armor but I can get use to it. I have had the unique opportunity to man every position in our convoy. I feel like a 'utility sergeant'.

June 2 - We are back here at this abandoned house that will be our new station. We are staying out here for two hot grueling nights. There is an infantry company that is living out here full time. I feel bad about complaining about the living conditions here because we are only here 2 or 3 nights a week. These guys live here full time! I can tell that they are starved for any type of conversation from the outside. I have met several of the soldiers and already I know their backgrounds of where they are from, marital status, and why they came to join the army. They are the ones that need our sympathy. These guys go on walking patrols in the neighborhoods, come back sleep and eat and then head back out on patrol. Another interesting point is that they are all so young. The average age is about 18 to 20 years of age! I really admire these guys to be handling such a responsibility at such a young age. When I was that age I had no idea of what I wanted to do. We sat around most of the day with them and played cards. We shared with them our stories of how we all came to join the army. As I sat there I was feeling a strong sense of belonging to a brotherhood. We all were coming from places like, Tucson, Arizona, Wichita, Kansas, and Charlotte, North Carolina. We were of different ages, different ethic backgrounds and yet we were solidified in one common purpose. I knew that these guys would protect me if their lives depended on it. I have to admit that I would do the same for them.

June 3 - After a sweaty night in our new place I had been awaken by the sound of gunfire in the distance. ,The bad guys are just outside these walls', I thought to myself as I stumbled to put my boots trying not to wake up the members of my team who were in the room with me. I got myself dress and managed to go outside to sit on the patio of this house we were staying. I looked at my watch and it was about 6:15 a.m. in the morning. I couldn't sleep any more because the heat in the room was almost making in uncomfortable to breathe. Some of our guys out of boredom built some make shift patio furniture that they made out of pallets. To be honest they did a great job on it. They made 4 bench like seats with a table in the middle. I told them that I was taking a picture of it because their wives couldn't get that kind of work out of them when they were home! This furniture would have made a good sale at any swap meet. I sat down on one of the seats to watch the morning sun come up. I feel the heat beginning to rise as I pulled out my Bible to read some words of encouragement to start my day. Another couple of shots ring out as I am sitting there. Its so weird because unless if it's direct contact there is pretty much nothing we can do. I quickly scan the rooftops to make sure just in case no sniper has his sights fixed on me. I thank God for protecting me and my team. I also ask God to bless my wife and kids while I'm away. Going home seems like a million miles away right now. I finish reading my scripture for the day and I just take a few moments to meditate on how much God has blessed me. If I were to were to lose my life right now I can still say that I have lived a very fulfilling life. I couldn't ask for a better wife than my wife Wendy. She is the secret behind the Sgt. Roy persona. She has been my biggest supporter in all that I do. She sees the part of Sgt. Roy that you guys don't see. She sees me and knows everything about and after all that, still loves me. My son Ryan, is an upgraded version of me. He is very smart, funny and has an awesome future ahead of him. My daughter Jordan is a warrior. She was catastrophically sick about two years ago. God has healed her and she is a walking miracle! She has her daddy's dance skills only better! It's about 7 a.m. now and the sun's heat has gone up a few more degrees. I also think about all of my students and friends who have blessed me with their well wishes. I noticed a smile has formed on my face. I think I'm ready to take on this hot brutal day.

June 5 - I don't know if I failed to mention that I teach a hiphop class once a week for the soldiers at the gym. We had a big turnout tonight. What surprised me is that this sergeant and captain in my group showed up for the class! They both are rhythmically challenged but they participated in the class tonight! We had a turn out of about 15 people. I was so impressed that they decided to come! The captain came up to me after the class and said "Lewis I can see that this is your calling!"

June 7 - We are back at the station today. It's about 9 p.m. and it is reported that one of the walking patrols has been attacked by a drive by shooting. Two Iraqis and one American are wounded. The medical team moves in to render care and first responder care. After a few hours it is relayed back to the wounded soldier's team that he is okay. The tension on the team is tense because now soldiers want to mount up and go after these guys. Prior to this I was walking around the compound and came to side where the Iraqi police are located. I saw an Iraqi soldier in the back of a pickup shouting at his fellow soldiers who were standing around the truck. He had mounted his machine gun and was banging on the roof of his truck motioning to his driver to get moving. It happen that as I was watching all this our interpreter was nearby. "What's going on here, what is that guy saying?" I asked John our interpreter. "He is yelling at them to grab their equipment and let's go find these guys that shot their guys." He continued to say "he is calling them cowards because they won't come." Wow! To have this explained to me this way just made me so discouraged. All of us (U.S. soldiers) are giving an out effort in helping these guys secure their country and these guys won't jump in the truck and go after the bad guys who just shot one of their team mates!

June 9 - I hate to bring you stories of doom and gloom but here's one stories of interest. We were back at the station again. Like I said the infantry guys that live here full time are so happy to see us. We were sitting around on our make shift patio furniture when this young private was talking about dancing. My captain is always playing jokes around here. He tells the private "Hey I don't think you can out dance Sgt. Lewis here!" "He's an old guy, this is too easy!" was the private's response. So the guys start cattle calling and egging this private to show his moves. So one of the soldiers brought his IPOD down and began blasting some hip hop tune I've never heard before. Before you knew it this private jumped off his seat and began doing his moves which were actually pretty good. By this time we had a small group of soldiers around us watching this. It was my turn and I tried to pass up the opportunity hoping this moment would go away. Well my captain starts pushing the issue again so I got up and made my way to the open area they set up for us. I pretended that I had to stretch my hamstrings and back before starting. Then I just let the 'Sgt. Roy' in my go! The private said "wow, you move pretty good for an old man!" "Well I guess I will take that as a compliment" I said as I took my seat. I told the private is what they didn't tell you is that I am one of Charlotte's finest fitness instructors!" We both laughed about it and I told him not to worry, I thought his moves were better than mine.

June 10 - America should know about these guys who are serving here. They are so young. There is one soldier that is from Arizona. I talked to another soldier that was from Indiana. I listened to one story after another of how these young guys came into the army. They all had one thing in common. They came from small towns throughout America and they wanted to leave home to find themselves. Throughout the day these young soldiers would suit up and go out on foot patrols throughout the city. The noon day heat beating down on them as they walk through the neighborhoods where at any minute an insurgent could jump out and start shooting. I go out about 3 to 4 times a week in the city. These guys here live here 24/7. They sleep on army cots and have at least one hot meal allocated to them everyday. When I was younger I could do this.

June 11 - There is a funny story any where if you look for it. We were at the station today and when we arrive we go inside and talk with our Iraqi counterparts. In my case my counter part and I talk about logistical operations for the unit. In this building there are three floors. The offices are located on the top floor. The other floors go down into the building. Well on the second floor below the Iraqis have a little shop there where there is a guy who makes and sells sandwiches. He makes this Iraqi sandwich that is called a 'ta/ lop/ pia'. I hope I spelled that correctly. Any way my captain likes going down there to buy these sandwiches. The rest of the guys pass on it because since we've been here they are so afraid of getting sick. There was one day last week where the captain asked me to join him in partaking in one of these sandwiches. I too was a bit nervous to eat this but he assured me that the sandwich is good and he has had several without getting sick. I found that strange because this captain is very sensitive about how his food is prepared and served. Well this day he insisted that I go downstairs with him to buy this sandwich. The Iraqi economy is based on denari. So two sandwiches with a soft drink would just cost a dollar! We went downstairs and bought 4 sandwiches. Two for him and two for me. The second floor of this building is also used as the sleep quarters for the Iraqi soldiers. There is also a barber shop down there. I must say that the sandwiches were awesome! Today the captain insisted that I join him today for sandwiches. I was able to wiggle out of it by telling him that I had something to do at the truck. About 30 minutes went by when I saw the captain come over to me by the truck. "Man, I was ready to dig in one of those sandwiches until I saw a horrible site!" he said as he shook his head in disgust. "What happened?" I asked trying to sound very concerned about the matter. "Man, I went down stairs and the smell was so inviting until I saw the cook standing in the kitchen cooking them with his boxer shorts on! That is when I lost my appetite!" I tried so hard not to laugh but the laughter spilled out of me like a river. That made my day!

June 13 - Today my team blessed me. How? I was told last night that I wouldn't be going out with the team in the morning. My first reaction was that I had something that I had to work on while they went to the station. It's strange, but I also felt a small emotion of separation anxiety as well. I didn't want these guys to do anything without me there. I got up this morning and went to our team room. I was taking care of some paperwork when our chief called for me to come into his office. "Yes sir, what do want?" I asked him as he closed the door behind me. "Lewis, you need to take a day off. You seemed to be running around way after everyone has quit for the day." "Yes sir, I was just taking care of some......" "I know but you can do all of that later." he said interrupting me in mid sentence. I smiled and said "yes sir" and left his office putting my paperwork away and back on my desk in my office. As I headed back to my room, our chief sergeant pulled me to the side and said "hey when you walk around here without a smile on your face there is something seriously wrong. We just want to give you a day off to put the smile back on your face!" So today I cleaned my room, did my laundry, and did a little shopping at the PX. Funny I didn't feel like I was being stressed but the fact that they guys read me that way hmm, I guess that means a lot to them for me to get some rest. Thanks guys, I appreciate that!

June 15 - I'm back from a well deserved rest. I'm at the station today down here with our American infantry guys. There is a soldier who we will called Johnson. Johnson is about 18 years of age and hails from a small town in Nevada. He is two years younger than my own son. His mustache doesn't do him any justice with his baby face and blue eyes. When my team arrives and we unload our stuff in our room which is located on the bottom floor Johnson is quick to greet us. I usually like to find my corner and curl up with a book or write but these guys who live here 24/7 I don't have it in me to turn them away. Some of them are so st raved for conversation with someone else you can't help but stop and listen. "Sergeant Lewis you want to see a magic trick?" he asks me. "Sure" I say and we both sit down on the floor in the house and he continues to show me a card trick. To my amazement he does this card trick that blows me away! When he is finished he grants me the opportunity to learn it. I won't give it away but now I know how magicians perform some of these tricks. I went upstairs to the second floor and talked with some of the other soldiers that were there. They were so opened as they shared their experiences patrolling this sector of Baghdad. I found out that we shared the same feelings about our mission here in Baghdad. They shared with me stories of how they found insurgents that were at one time working as interpreters for us! They went on tell of how much dissension there is between the Sunni and Shia groups. We all agreed that they should be left alone to fight among themselves. Like I have written many times before this is a place of alliances. Who supports who and who is against whom. These young men are my heroes. I went back downstairs to sit on the patio outside to make some entries in my journal. I was sitting there for about five minutes when this young soldier came and sat down beside me. He started his conversation telling me that he was going to be 21 years of age in just two days. He was so excited that he was about to become legal to where he could have his first drink. Somehow the conversation turned around about how his wife of two years was considering divorcing him. who is telling me right now how his he and his wife might be going through a divorce. This soldier who we will call Jim was stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas. When I was in the regular army I too was stationed at Fort Bliss. I could sympathize with him because anyone who has been there will tell you that El Paso is in the middle of the desert. There really isn't much to do in El Paso. I know when my wife and I got there we felt that we were at the other side of the world! Jim's eyes began tearing up as he told me that his wife was struggling with the anxiety of being alone on her own without him. The good thing is that he said that one of the other soldier's wife is helping her deal with all of this. This is the fourth thing that I don't like seeing and that is a man hurting because he's afraid that he will loose his wife. I listened and listened and I felt bad because I couldn't help. I did tell him that he could find assistance with his local pastor or chaplin. I saw the helplessness on Jim's face. He was on duty in Iraq but his heart was with his wife. Wow! talk about being torn between two places. This war has costs in so many ways. Not only has it costs in deaths but also the survivors who will come back with the hidden scars such as Jim. My frustration is growing as time goes on. I went for a walk around the compound to walk off my emotions. It was then that I saw a soldier on top of a tank washing his laundry out of a Gatorade cooler! It was then I said thank you Jesus for bringing my sense of humor back!

June 16 – I am so far removed from the news and happenings that are happening in the United States. We have here the Armed Forces network but it tends to show us selective new clips. The thing I find obnoxious is the commercials that are all about the military. “Go to school through the Army College Fund. This is for you!” is one of the commercials that I see all the time. I know for me I don’t have a television in my room so I read the military newspaper here called the ‘Stars and Stripes’.  I will catch an occasional baseball game. My favorite team is the New York Yankees. I have been a fan since I was a child growing up on the Hudson River in New York.  I’am in the gunner’s hatch this week. I think it’s my favorite post to man. I sit up high in the truck and I scan the road looking for any suspicious activity. I’am going on my seventh month being here. I laugh at myself because it’s been about that long that I haven’t had any junk food. On our camp we have a few vendors such as Burger King, Taco Bell, Subway and Pizza Hut but they all taste different here. I had a craving one night for a Sonic hotdog. There was another night I dying for some Showmars as well. You can throw some Dunkin doughnuts in there as well. It’s just as well because I need to loose some weight. The mess hall here is as I stated before is just okay. All the cooks are from India (there’s nothing wrong with being from India) but the simple things like Chili Mac or Sloppy Joes taste as if they added extra spices to it! I will be coming home soon for my leave and you bet I will partake of all my favorite places to dine. The heat is another issue for concern too. I had an advantage of teaching 8 to 10 classes a week at the gym. This kept me in decent shape and looking pretty good, if I must say so myself. The heat here seems to be breaking me down. I am drinking plenty of water, Gatorade and soft drinks. I find myself getting weak and just wanting to sleep all the time. I teach two classes a week at the gym and I starting my weight training back up again. Hopefully this will give me the strength that I need.

June 17 – Happy Father’s Day! I want all who support me by reading these articles to know about my Dad. His name is Roy Howard Lewis Sr. and I am Roy Jr. My dad has been an inspiration for me since I was a kid. My dad is the father of six kids, and I think 12 grandchildren and three great grandchildren. Growing up I thought my dad was the hardest man that I ever met! He gave us a curfew and his rules for our house were strict. My dad would’t even let me wear a ‘clip on’ tie. He made me stay in my room until I learned how to tie a regular tie! He comes from a very strong work ethic. He got me my first job at 16 and when I wanted expensive things he made me work for them. He gave me my first car too. When I call him on the phone he always talks to me like I am twelve years old by saying “hey champ”. I really don’t mind it. When I run into issues he seems to calm me down. There is one thing that puzzles me. I don’t get my sense of rhythm from him at all. I do get my sense of humor from him. I want to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. He has left me a wonderful legacy to live by. Love you Dad.

June 18 – Tragedy struck today! Another unit was attacked by RPG (rocket propelled grenade) fire today. Sadly a sergeant was hit in a vehicle in which he lost both of his legs! I noticed that when my team hears news like this there is a somber attitude amongst the group. I can tell that the news numbs us into some kind of silence.  I think at this point many of us are just frustrated. The fear has been replaced by a quiet anger. I really think we are trying to find out the purpose of why we are here. I think we are doubting ourselves and wondering if we are making a difference in this country. When an American soldier gets killed or injured it like it has happened to all of us. All of us have been affected by it in some way or another. It’s never an issue of “I’m glad it wasn't me” but instead it’s like we lost some one close to us. I had to go to this place to do some ‘turn-ins’ of equipment. At this place where I would turn in the equipment is also located where they keep all of the blown up vehicles. For security reasons I can divulge how many but let’s just say it was more than I wanted to see! It was more like a grave yard to me as I ventured out to get a better look. All of those vehicles out there could tell a story. I know for me, I will never be the same. I am so proud to be an American soldier!

June 19 – Today is the birthday of a friend of mine and my trainer partner Trish Nemitz. She is wonderful friend and a support to me while I am over here in Iraq. “Happy  Birthday Trish”. I was going to call her but as I write this I am staying the night down in Baghdad tonight. Trish gave me a code word when I left. She tells me to “Pay Attention!” She knows me so well because I will start joking around and not paying attention that a war is going on. So, I want her to know that I appreciate that. We have a small circle of friends in which we celebrate each others birthdays. This is the first year that I have missed hers. 2006 will be just a blank for me. I have missed so many events that I will have to catch up. She is one of the most talented people that I know but yet she thinks so much beneath herself. I pray for her happiness and that God will give her the desires of her heart. She has truly been a good friend to me and my family. I will always love her for that.

June 20 - I woke up this morning about 6 a.m. and sat out on the balcony to watch the morning sun rise. I couldn't sleep well because our sleeping area doesn't have air conditioning yet. My back doesn't do to well on an army cot either. When I wake up early in the morning I make it a point to talk to God. My prayers aren't difficult but I ask God for his divine protection over me and my team. I continue on to pray for my family, friends and the church. It was then that I heard an enormous explosion! The insurgents were at it again. I got up and ran to the open area where our trucks are parked and stood there for a while. Five minutes had gone by and I didn't see any one respond. Judging from the sound the explosion it was close. Very close. I just thought to myself 'what a crazy way to disturb a beautiful morning.

June 23 - I knew it was too good to be true. We were traveling on our way to the station to work with the Iraqi National Police today. I was riding today in the gunner's hatch. It was then that an incoming rocket went over us and landed somewhere in an opened field about a 1,000 yards from us! As usual the sound startled me because at first I couldn't see where it landed. As we continued to move it was then that I saw the mushroom cloud in the distance! I just want to scream! I don't understand a lot of what is going on around me. I feel so helpless because I feel like so many people are getting killed and hurt. Over what? Yet still there is a part of me that is so proud to be here with these men and women. I'm afraid to think what would happen if this rocket was more accurate. We made it to the station with no damages to us or our equipment. When unloaded our equipment in our room there were two journalist from Hungary staying in our room. I didn't want to sound rude but I wasn't in the mood to be interviewed by the rest of world who is just watching all of this go on.

June 24 - We have a sergeant on our team let's just call him St. Smith. St. Smith years ago had his own business in which he did heating and air conditioning. Who would have guessed that these skills would work to our advantage here at our station. We are staying at this abandon house that is now being used to house us American troops. The engineers have come in and sand bagged all of the open windows but still there is no running water or electricity throughout the house. We were told that the engineers were coming to wire our house with electricity and especially air conditioning coolers. Well weeks have gone by with excuse after excuse of why these guys are showing up. There were a few nights that I would literally wake up in the middle of the night because it was to too hot to sleep. Well here comes St. Smith to the rescue! There were two generators outside the house that was dedicated to us for our house. They weren't hooked up yet but nonetheless they were just sitting there. St. Smith did a walk through the house to find out where to start this project. Just in one night he was able to get some ceiling fans to work in the room where we were staying. In one week he was able to wire our house and get the air conditioning unit to work. If we didn't have him it would have been a brutal summer for us all. Thanks St. Smith you're a life saver!

June 25 - My leave is in two months. I've talked with some of my teammates about their feelings when they finally arrived back home. Many said that they felt like visitors in their own home. They said that their wives had such a handle on things that they felt that they were more in the way than anything else. One good thing I hear is that the American people are meeting the soldiers at the airport and cheering them at they arrive home. Every soldier that I talked to said that this out pouring of support has made them feel welcomed. I'm glad to here that. I couldn't have imagined what it was like for the soldiers that went to war in Vietnam. Some of the guys who went back to states were also facing a form of separation anxiety. They found it hard to leave their units. I myself am working on what my posture will be with my family. I praying not to get into arguments with my wife and kids. I do want to relax and enjoy my wife and kids. I'm ready to go on leave now. I really need some time off.

June 27 - The war is affecting everyone. It amazes me sometimes how people must read my vibe and come sit down next to me and start talking to me! Well this was the case this morning at the gym. We spend the night back at our base camp so I got up early this morning to go to the gym. Because of the dry heat and the lack of teaching 8 to 10 classes a week I found that my legs were getting so stiff and my knees were hurting too! After signing in at the front desk I took my position behind the leg extension machine. It was just then that this young soldier sat down next to me at the hamstring machine. He was a white male about the age of 20. Our eyes met several times until I realized that this young man wanted someone to talk to. "Hey how ya doin?" was all that I could muster up at the time. Well this didn't deter him at all. Let's just call him Private Johnson. "I apologize for talking so much I just came off of mission" he said as he smiled. I assured him that it was okay. Private Johnson proceeded to tell me all about his patrols and all of the near misses his unit has gone through. He said that his leave date was slowly approaching. As he went on I could tell this time together was really good to him. It allowed him to sort things out. We both celebrated that his 21st birthday was slowly approaching. He anxiously awaited his return back to the states because it meant that he would be of the legal drinking age in his home state of Mississippi. I looked at my watch and noticed how this conversation had put me behind in my routine. It didn't matter. My friends that know me know that when I go to the gym I end up talking to a half dozen people before I even get started. I felt honored to have been available to this young man and to help him sort his feelings out.

June 28 - I am leaving out the gate today. There is not a day that goes by that I don't hear about some incident that involves our American soldiers. I was asked by one of my team mates "why are you not afraid?"Many of you know that I am a Christian. I share my faith by the life that I live. There are times that I must speak the reasons why I believe. There are days when I notice that members of my team seem to be in some strange mood. That mood would sometimes consume me as well. I would start to become irritable and this overcoming sense of fear would grip my inner most being. One day that happened and I had to just go behind one of the trucks and drop to my knees. I prayed "heavenly Father thank you for this day. I thank you that this is the day that you made. I thank you that today you have ordered my footsteps. Nothing will happen unless you allow it to happen. I ask you to release me from this spirit of fear and anxiety so that I can be free to do my job to the fullest. I pray this not only for myself but also for every member of my team and any other unit that has to leave through these gates today! I thank you for safety as we travel these streets in this hostile city. Jesus I give you all the honor and praise for this. Amen." It was so instant that I felt this dark cloud leave me. I looked around and noticed that my teammates were beginning to crack jokes as they loaded up the trucks. So I want you all who read about my exploits here that there is not a day that doesn't go by that I don't pray before leaving and now coming back in through those gates!

June 30 - The Iraqi soldiers will ask us for everything! I learned from one of our interpreters that they believe that all of us come from wealthy backgrounds. When I first came here I gave one of the attendants at the station that serves us chi tea a pair of sunglasses as a thank you gift. Well after a month a pair of sunglasses became a laptop computer! Well of course I had to tell him that item was out of my control! What bothers me is that they ask us for everything! Everything from fuel, food, vehicles and water. Personally I don't think it's a problem because they don't have the means to support themselves. I think the problem runs a lot deeper than that. There is one thing that is true. There is power in unity. The human rights movement in America is a prime example of that. African Americans united together across the country to form a common bond to move the conscience of a nation! This nation has problems that run internal.

July 1 - Today the weather is about 113 degrees today! We are not doing much house clearing missions these days.  Even though it’s dangerous I kind of miss it. Each home that I go into there are the faces that look at me. The expression on their faces is one of fear and bewilderment. Of course when you add body armor on a 6’2 frame weighing 250 pounds I would scare me too. The language barrier is what prevents us from communicating. The little children will hide behind their mother’s berka. Somehow I can’t help that all this is some big misunderstanding. It reminds me of a conversation that I had with my mother-in-law years ago. My mother-in-law is Caucasian. One afternoon while we were watching television together she turned to me and said “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable.” I looked at her as if I didn’t know what she was talking about. “Mom, what do you mean?” “Roy I grew up in an Irish-American neighborhood where we didn’t have any contact with black people.” “Mom, you don’t owe me an apology, you have welcomed me with open arms” I could tell that this was something that she felt she had to say. “When I see you with my children, it’s like you belong here.” I was touched by her words. I have always kept her words with me. What she was saying that knowing me as a person has changed all that she was ever told or taught about black people. I hate to be corny but I just know that if these Iraqi people got to know us and us them, we all would look like we belong here.

July 2 – Today is a sad day for me. It just happened ten minutes ago. An American soldier has been killed while on patrol. He was shot in the head and died immediately. I can’t give out the details of his name and where he is from. It bothers me that this young man will never return home to his family. This soldier serves here in one of the platoons that we are working with. He was no more than 21 years of age. He and his team were doing a patrol in one of the Iraqi neighborhoods nearby when we all of sudden we heard gunshots ring out! Having been here awhile I can tell just by the sound of what type of weapon is being fired. My team and I were sitting in our team room when we heard the disturbance. We a few shots go off followed by the sounds of an American automatic weapon being fired. The exchange of gunfire went on for about 3 minutes. One of our sergeants came running in with the report of what just happened. This of course prompted our medic to grab his bag to answer the call that there were some wounded. After about a hour it had quieted down. The report came that several Iraqi National Policemen were injured but worst of it was that a young American soldier had been shot in the back of the head. I was so afraid to ask if he was going to make it but judging from the look on the sergeant’s face it told what the outcome was. What made this day extra hard was that one of the young soldiers that come to see me when we come for our overnight stays at the station. “Boy that was a hell of a gunfight on the roof of our building?” I said hoping the young soldier would give me more information. “If you don’t mind sergeant I rather not talk about it.” Obviously this soldier was upset and must have known this soldier that had gotten killed today. All I could offer was the opportunity to talk about it when he was ready. Yes, today was a sad day but we all still can’t wait to be in pleasant places.

July 3 – I clean my rifle and all of the weapons that I am responsible for. I use a paint brush to remove the sand and dust from all of the tight places. It usually takes me about three hours to clean my pistol, rifle, and machine gun. It’s doesn't’t seem fair because within a matter of minutes they are covered with dust again! I want to thank you Charlotte, North Carolina for supporting me and my comrades in arms! With the issue of losing a soldier yesterday a soldier will begin to think about all the people in him or hers life. The trivial things don’t matter anymore. A soldier will begin to see the people that love and support him. His letters and phones calls will mirror his innermost feelings of gratitude and thanksgiving. All I ask is that when your soldier comes back home try to be more understanding. The soldier will come back to a world that he has left where the people, places and situations have changed. I want to be the liaison for all of you to help you understand what’s going on. All the servicemen and women who serve here really have made a sacrifice. I know first hand that it takes a lot to get through each day. Some of you might remember that movie ‘Groundhog Day’ with Bill Murray. In this movie his character is stuck in living the same day over and over again. This drives him mad to the point where he tries to manipulate the events of that day attempting to make the day slightly different. We are limited to life on a compound. There activities such as the gym, internet cafe and gaming cafe are just a few things that we can do. Some soldiers will dive themselves into their work logging 12 to 13 hours a day. When mail arrives it brings the excitement of receiving a care package or a letter from a love one saying how much he is loved. I noticed that the chapel services are full more than usual. So just as in the movie ‘Groundhog Day’ we too have to find and do things that will keep us busy. Tomorrow is Independence Day. I can tell you that every soldier here knows now by this experience that our American way of life came with a price but it also an example of people coming together for the cause of freedom and the pursuit of happiness.

July 4 - Independence Day! We have to be extra careful because the insurgents know that this is a special day for us that we celebrate no matter where we are.  In just writing these few lines I heard a couple of gun shots ring out! I’am proud to be an American. My heart goes out to the Iraqis that are working for us. They don’t want to have anything to do with this country that they once called home. Our interpreter Bob wants to give his son and 2 daughters a future. I can’t hate a man for wanting to give his family a life. Today on our camp they have a big barbeque plan with fireworks. This will be my first time being outside the United States on Independence Day. I have a sore throat coming on and I am not feeling well. I get pretty infantile when I get sick. I want my wife around nursing me back to health. We are at the halfway point of our deployment. We are going through a phase on the team where there is an irritation growing slowly among us. Still I have come to love and respect these guys. Won’t give names but there is one soldier who appears to be a compulsive liar. He will sit for hours bragging about what he has and where he has been. There is another who is young but angry about this mission. His anger is more of a snotty and ‘I’am too good to do this’ type of attitude. There is one who is quiet but very talented as a soldier but needs to take a bath every once in awhile. The next soldier is engaged to marry, but given the opportunity he will have a relationship with another woman in a heartbeat. He has been married twice already! There is one guy who is impulsive and controlling but I wouldn’t recommend disagreeing with him. He doesn’t like to be wrong! He is a smart and talent man but no one can’t know everything!  There is the over hyper soldier, the sneaky one, the lazy one and me the ‘whatever’ how they see me. Still I love these men. In all their imperfection I still respect them and I pray for them and their families. I’ve learned that the joy of living is not in the perfection of their lives but I have found joy and humor in knowing their imperfections.

July 5 - We have just had a recent change on our team. Our team chief has been re-assigned to another area. He has been with us since Kansas. It is really a significant impact to change the make up of a team this late in the game. I want to let everyone that has read my stories that he has done a great job in keeping the team safe and on track here in Baghdad. There was always so much criticism from the other team members about his leadership. For me, I would pray for him. I'm not just saying that to be nice. There were days that I would see the weight of his responsibilities weigh heavily on him. Some days he would look so exhausted dealing with the issues of our team and responding to the people who he had to be accountable to. I could sense the pressure on him when he had to make decisions for our team. I always that the comments that my team mates made about him were unfair and without consideration. It is always to be an arm chair quarterback. I have told him on many occasion that I am glad that I don't have to wear his shoes. He will be leaving is position this week. I had some good times serving with him and I want to say "thank you". Another drill sergeant told me once "the biggest room in the house is the room for improvement!" Since I've been here I have grown comfortable knowing that several of my team mates need to grasp this concept!

July 6 - Another issue has risen it's ugly head. There is one sergeant who works along side the chief has been unbeknownst to the chief has been sending emails out to high ranking army personnel expressing his displeasure about our team. This sergeant was transferred to our team from another team for this very same reason. Now he wants another transfer. The funny this about this sergeant is that about 3 years ago he was my First Sergeant. His behavior and antics were the same today as they were back then! When I heard that he was joining our team I immediately informed our chief about his manipulative behavior. This is a guy who presents himself as a nice guy on the surface but if he isn't completely satisfied you can bet that he will do sneaky things. One of the these he will do is contact high ranking personnel by email without the chief even knowing anything about it! Well this is the scenario that has happened recently with us. We have been visited by a Command Sergeant Major, a Colonel, and a Brigadier General all in one week! Here is another kicker. This sergeant is my room mate! He and I have had conversations in the room were he has expressed his displeasure with the team. His comments are so pious and conceited. I have to hear how we do everything wrong as a team. He has spurted out how he has done special missions with the Special Forces units in Afghanistan. He also brags about how he was hand picked for this mission by General Patrius. Our conversations usually end up in a stalemate. This isn't an exciting thing to write about but it will always goes to show you how one person can make the life of many miserable. The sad truth about this man is that he has spent so much time volunteering to be on active duty that his wife and kids have left him. He lives a sad existence of being alone. He has already started paperwork requesting to extend his tour over here. That is where he has my compassion. It is a sad thing for a man to end up alone.

July 7 - The sun sets so beautifully over here. I am standing just outside the gate of the house that we are living in at our station. The sun takes on an orange like color and it is so round as the smoky gray clouds close in around it. I still find it hard to believe that my life is on the other side of the world. I pretend sometimes what it would be like if I lived here. What would I do? Where would I live? What would my future look like? The answer is always the same for me. I wouldn't live here! There is so much corruption here that I finally understand why these people are the way they are. It comes down to just basic survival skills. Whatever it takes to raise your children and take care of your family is one of the rules that apply here. If you are not a friend then you are an enemy. There is no real legal order here. As I've stated before the police here can arrest you on any thing they deem illegal. The truth is that with money you can buy your way out of any situation here. You don't even have to be secret in your dealings about it. This society is in deep need of an overhaul. The question is "are you willing to be the one who will make the sacrifice to make sure that it happens?" The nightfall finally comes and around here no one walks the streets in Baghdad. It's too dangerous. The insurgents sees this as an opportunity to plant and setup their IEDs. Under the disguise of darkness so much happens around here. We do things too on our side to counter the actions of the insurgents who want to kill us. I take one more look at the beautiful sunset and I go back inside to where it is safe.

July 9 - I'm still riding in the gunner position on our truck today. I enter the truck from the top. There is an open hatch on the top in which I lower my body down into the vehicle. Today is so hot it has to be about 115 degrees today. I go through my mental checklist of all the things I have to do and have with me in the hatch. I load my machine gun, put on my body armor and radio headset. I put on my gloves and sunglasses and finish up with another few items on my checklist. There is a bench seat that I sit on when riding in the truck. I take my seat and wait until our truck commander receives his instructions to move out. I can feel a bead of sweat already rolling down my forehead, over my eyelashes and over my lips as I adjust the band of ammunition on my machine gun. The question is always in the back of my mind, "will I have to shoot today?" Over the past few months I have found myself growing a bit aggressive in my thinking. The soldiers that have been killed in the last few months is the news that makes the headlines back home. The only thing is that I'm in a place where they really don't talk about that much. It's almost like they are afraid to tell us for some reason. Also I have heard the actual calls come over the radio about certain incidents involving the death of American soldiers. No, I don't think I will have a problem firing this weapon if I have to. Our truck commander says we are ready to move. I always say a prayer whenever we leave the gate. I pray for a day of no surprises!

July 11 - Tonight is a night mission. I hate these kind of missions. Even though it's safer to travel during the night it's still dangerous because if chaos breaks out it's really hard to know who is fighting who. As we leave the station under the disguise of darkness I can feel my heart pounding as we leave the gate. We are out here tonight with our Iraqi National Police battalion. Our job is to observe their performance and techniques while on a night patrol. My job as the gunner is to provide security for my team and the National police guys as they move throughout the neighborhood. Our truck is placed between two streets to provide security during this operation. My driver and I have decided which parts of the street that we are going to look at. Some of the Iraqi houses have some lighting but for the most part there are no street lamps to light up the street. I see a group of several young teenagers go by. "Lew you got that group of kids walking by?" my driver asks me making sure that we pickup all or any movement on these dark streets. "Yeah I got them, it's just a group of kids." I say. The thoughts that anything could happen right now was fueling my adrenaline. My night vision goggles allowed me to see through the darkness. Good. Nothing. This went on for about 30 minutes or so with no sign of any insurgents fleeing the area. After that we patrolled up and down the neighborhood streets to show a good presence of law and order to the people who might be watching from a window. We finished our patrol in about two hours and we were back at the station in our team room. I was exhausted. Night patrols always do that to to me. As for the rest of the guys it was time to play cards.

July 12 – I’m at the 5 month mark now. My teammates and I feel that we are on the downward slide to going home. I can feel myself becoming more irritable and less tolerant these days. About half of my team members have been on leave already. I’m not complaining because I purposely chose September because one it will mark my 25th wedding anniversary with my wife. Two, when I return back here I will have 3 months left to serve in this country! I have been slow in my postings to the site because recently we have had a change in our line up. We have a new chief and of course he wants to do everything that we have done in the first four months of being here. So we have been on the road a little more than usual these days. I’m riding as one of the gunners in the truck. The day’s heat does a job on me. At the end of the day my uniform is so wet that it looks as if someone has hosed me down. I sweat so much that my boots have dark sweat marks on them. Also my underwear and t shirt are just as wet. I take it all in stride because I hope to loose a few pounds when this all ends. My energy level drops a lot too. I drink more water than I did when I was in the states. Our trucks internally have air conditioning but being the truck’s gunner the lower part of my body gets the benefit of it anyway. In a way I am glad to be back on the road to see the sights and sounds of Baghdad again.

July 14 – We were loading up to move out the gate today when I spotted one of the soldiers that I talk to when ever we stay overnight at the station. I was in the gunner’s hatch doing my pre combat checks when he decided to climb onto the truck and talk to me. “I can’t believe they are doing this to me” he said with a bit of sadness in his voice. “What’s going on?” I said removing my Oakley sunglasses to get a better look at him. “They are going to chapter me out of the army!” “Hey Lew, we getting ready to move out!” was shout that came from my truck commander. “Hey, when I get back I will come to see you” I said trying to offer some kind words. With that the young soldier jump down from our truck and walked back into the headquarter building from which he came from. Our convoy started its engines and moved forward to the front gate to clear security. I was told by the guys in my truck the issue with the young soldier was that it was decided by his company commander that the soldier had some stress issues going on. He was exhibiting unusual behavior out in the field amongst his platoon. In the army especially today’s army soldiers that present strange behavior in a combat zone are quickly evaluated. If they are found to be liability to the unit they are pulled out of that unit. I talked to this kid several times beforehand and he seemed fine to me and to be quite talented. He showed me some of his interests which included several websites that he designed by himself. I was impressed because he had taught himself the HTML web language. What will happen to him is that they will ship him back to the states for a psyche evaluation and he will be put out of the army with a general discharge. This kid is only eighteen years old! I don’t know all of the details to make a sound judgment about all this but something about this worries me. I hope there is support for the many soldiers who might be going through this same ordeal.

July 15 – Well we took a ride down to the International Zone better know to us as the ‘IZ’ today. This is the place where the Iraqi Prime Minister is located and where everyone who comes to Iraq is located here. We parked our trucks and stood outside to take in the city and its vibe.  It was then when this Iraqi boy on a bicycle came up to us and of course he wanted to sell us some display books of Iraqi money. “Mista mista, ten dollars” he said in what I thought was excellent English on his part. He handed me the display book so that I could review the pages of the different types of former Iraqi money. There were various notes that had Sadam’s picture on the front. Some of the bills were photo copies. The real notes had creases that made the money look uniquely different from the ones that were plainly done by a photo copier. “What’s you name?” “Moofasa” was his reply to me. Sorry about the spelling but I told him that his name came from a story out of the book called the Lion King. He of course had no idea of what I was talking about. I bought one of his display books. He told me that he was 14 years old. I complimented him on his diligence to earn money. “Most American kids are not as enterprising as you are. That’s good that you are working for yourself.” He politely thanked me, took my money and hopped back on his bike to continue peddling his wares. There were other American vehicles that were parked along side the street as well so I didn’t want to hold this young man up from making more sales. What got to me was this well dressed Iraqi man that came up to us with his adorable 5 year old son. The boy on the bicycle instantly became our interpreter and he conveyed the man’s intentions to us. “This man wants to know if you can care for his son” was the boy’s translated message to us. Our medic was also standing out there with us as well. To make matters worse we were parked right in front of a major hospital that rendered care to American soldiers. Our medic pressed the man for more information to find out that man’s young boy has a hernia. Our medic lifted up the young boy’s shirt and the little fellow’s belly button was the size of a grape and was protruding out from his body! Our medic told the man that the Iraqi hospital was located right next to the American hospital here. The boy on the bike translated the man’s words to say that he couldn’t afford the cost of having a doctor attend his son’s hernia. Our medic explained to the man that there was nothing that he could do. With that the man shook our hands and took his cute son by the hand and continued down the street. I watched them both walk away both father and son. Just two years ago my daughter got catastrophically sick. The experience brought my world to a crushing halt! I don’t know what everyone else felt but I personally shared in this man’s frustration.

July 17 – Well with this new chief we have resumed a patrol schedule that seems at times ridiculous. Just in three days I have gone on four patrols. Get this; we have been blown up 3 times in the last three patrols that we have taken!  For instance, we went on a night patrol with our Iraqi police. Tonight I am loading my gear on my truck preparing to move out in 20 minutes. Its dark outside that I can barely see where I am walking. The headlights lights from the other trucks occasionally light up the parking area. I’ve done this so many times that I can really setup my equipment in dark. We have been briefed about our mission and the Iraqis are ready and are online in their trucks waiting to leave the gate. Personally I hate night patrols. Even though we have night vision technology I still don’t like that feeling of going out into the shear darkness. Well after the radio checks have been verified we are out the gate and moving into a nearby neighborhood near us. Tonight’s patrol is special because our police guys are on foot. There are some key interests in the neighborhood that they must check out. As I’ve stated before in Baghdad there is no power company like Duke Energy here. The houses here run on power for about 3 to 5 hours a day. If you are fortunate to join with your other neighbors to purchase a diesel generator for your block then you will have power for a considerable time. Its a few hours before midnight and to my surprise there are a few streets in this neighborhood that have lighting on the streets.
     We set up our position in the neighborhood and thus begin the police patrol. My sector of security is to cover two streets. I position my turret so that my vision can pick up movement down either street. My driver and I communicate with each other to make sure we are fully scanning our area. “How are you doing up there Lew?”  “I’m fine I don’t see any significant movement” I say to him. I occasionally look through my night vision equipment to make sure I don’t see any one walking down the street. I have to do this because if I don’t my eyes will start to play tricks on me getting me to believe someone is walking down the street. Some of the streets don’t have lighting so it’s hard to see anyone moving around in the dark. We move from street to street and take up our position each time. We were into it for about an hour when just then a big explosion took place! My back was to the blast so I was startled when I heard it. It was then that the communication traffic on our radio got frantic! The Iraqi police took cover and we of course took up our positions ready to return fire if need be. Well that night didn’t claim any causalities for the American or Iraqi forces. That incident took place last night but today we got hit again today! That makes for three IEDs in two days! The team is getting concerned that this new team chief’s enthusiasm might be a hazard to our safety. As I write this we are back at the station in our team room. Everyone is has gotten something eat and some of the guys are playing cards, sleeping or either talking about the events that have taken place. As for me, I’m sitting on my bed at my trusted computer writing. My team thinks it’s so funny that I have so much to write about. Writing about my experiences here helps me stay relaxed and focused. I have 5 more months to get through all of this.

July 19 - This is the week in which our new chief has decided to implement his intense patrol schedule on us. So far we have done at least 3 to 4 patrols a day! Everyone believes that our focus as advisors has drastically changed. We have gone from training and mentoring the National Police staff to basically executing patrols that give the appearance that the Iraqis are leading them. Our new chief comes from a background in the Military Police. The rest of the team is trying to keep it's wits about the situation. We know we have about 3 and a half months to until our reliefs get here. It has become so cleared to me about this mission. The Iraqi police here are so hesitant about patrolling their own streets. They ask so much from us in the areas of food, equipment and support with our weapons. There is a growing anger that burns inside all of us. Our new chief is extending our team and it's resources hoping to better the cause of the Iraqi police. This is turning out to be a loosing cause. There was one day when we were preparing to go on patrol and to our surprise they wouldn't go on patrol! It is noted that they are afraid of going out. It is evident to me that we are fighting two battles here. The first is that we have a leader that is willing to exhaust the team and it's resources for the success of the Iraqis. Secondly, we are dealing with the Iraqis whose commitment level to their duty and country doesn't evenly match that of their American counterparts who are trying to help them be self reliant. I get the feeling from the soldiers over here that their efforts aren't deeply appreciated.

July 20 - As we come off of every patrol I climb out of my truck and I clear my machine gun and move all of my equipment back into our team area. I carry my body armor, M-16, radio and machine gun back to the team area. When I take off my body armor my uniform is totally soaked with sweat. It is so obvious because it's a 120 degrees in the heat. The patrol today was setup to raid some suspected houses that were places where they make IEDs. Trust me it was no surprise that we didn't find anything there. Our chief thinks more like a police officer. Even when we travel down the street he will stop even if a person makes a wrong gesture on the street. We were traveling down this street in a neighborhood near the marketplace that was heavily populated with people one day. Our chief noticed that this five year old little boy that was standing near his mother had coincidentally put his fingers in his ears. Our chief shouted on the radio for us to stop immediately because he wanted to get out and investigate to why the young boy was doing that! It is apparent to all of us that he gets very excited in the heat of the moment. His prior experience didn't afford him this type of mission. His adrenaline about the mission really gets him pumped up. We are hoping that his drive and enthusiasm will slowly diminish. Quite frankly I find it obnoxious!

July 21 - It is my worse nightmare. Night patrols! I hate them with a passion! I open up the hatch to my turret and begin loading in all of my equipment. It's about midnight and the decision has been made that we are going out tonight on a night patrol with the Iraqi National Police. I have become so familiar with this equipment that even though I don't have much light I can virtually put everything together in the dark. There are some flood lights that shine over the generators that are located off to the right of our trucks. I still have to be careful moving up and around the truck because it's so dark. There is one thing that I like about the night is that it really cools downs. I have night vision equipment that will assist me to see in the dark. This doesn't really give me a comfort level because when you look through the lens everything looks green. This will make for our third patrol today. The team is tired but chief has given us a pep talk to hang in there and suck it up. The truth is that activity in Baghdad really starts at night. Insurgents will go out and place their bombs that they are going to use during the day. It is also difficult to detect gun fire and where it is coming from. What bothers me is that there is going to be more of these to come. It takes us as a team only about 15 minutes to be ready to move out the gate. Well, I'm up and my weapons are loaded, my body armor, helmet, and glasses are on. The call comes over the radio to move out the gate. We start our engines and we and the National Police head out the gate into the unexpectant night in a cloud of dust that trails right behind us.

July 22 - You might remember a few days ago in which I wrote about a sergeant here who emailed high ranking people about his displeasure about our team. He also requested a transfer (which was would have been his second transfer during this deployment). This is our third straight day down here at the station. What bothers me the most about all of these recent changes is that this sergeant has gotten his heart's desire. This sergeant wants nothing better than for all of us to stay down here at the station 24/7! He loves it down here. To our surprise our new chief shares his thoughts about this as well. Back at our camp there are so many things that we need to do back at the camp. My position as the team's logistics sergeant requires me to conduct most of my business on the camp. Our new chief has been making requests of me but I have had to tell him on more than one occasion that I can't get him the things that he needs unless I do them back at the camp. In a way I am use to this behavior. When planning takes place, logistics is the last thing that is ever thought about. We are called the 'beans and bullets' of the operation. We handle uniforms, mail, equipment, ammo, fuel, and weapons. So we don't panic, we know that we have to be listened to. My officer tells me that this pace shouldn't last long because there is no way that we can keep up this pace. I hope that he is right. If I spend all of my time out here I will end up being behind in my work. I personally don't have problem with leaving that sergeant down here by himself if he wants to live here!

July 23 - We have a new interpreter. Let's just call him Jack. Jack is from Sudan. This is our fifth day down at the station and it's about 9:30 p.m. Some of the guys are sleeping on their cots, some are watching dvds on their computer laptops and me of course, I'm on my laptop updating my web site journal entries. I take my headphones off my ears after listening to some music to help me get in the mood for writing. Jack's bunk is right next to mine. He is a dark skinned older man, about 50 years old with a small frame. He rolls over on his bunk and says to me "Sgt. Lewis we must talk sometime. I try not to disturb you when you have your headphones on." I replied to him "of course your not bothering me. I just like to keep myself busy." "Sergeant Lewis I would want you to tell me about the man named Martin Luther King." I was so honored when he had asked me this. I asked myself "where do I star?" How can I pack 50 years of history into a 30 minute conversation about the man Martin Luther King? So I proceeded to tell him about this great civil rights leader the world has ever known. After that, Jack and I talked for another two hours. I explained to him how blacks in America didn't know a lot about their family histories due to the injustice of slavery. He told me that he could trace his family roots back at least 10 generations! He was shocked to know that most black families in America could only go back 2 or 3 generations. I was drawn to Jack's history as well. He told me of the history of his country. He told me that he was one of eighteen children in his family. We had a great time comparing his life in Sudan versus my life in the United States. One thing that I am learning over here is that we as the human race are really not so different from one another.

July 24 - As of next Wednesday I will be entering my eighth month being here! Wow the time has gone by fast! There is one concern that bothers me a bit. That is integrating back into society. Before this experience I used to go to work downtown and just like everyone else I would make a stop by Starbucks for my morning rush of coffee. I would work and take lunch with a friend or go work out at the YMCA. My evenings were spent teaching fitness in some shape or form. I know one thing for sure is that I really needed this time to get away to collect my thoughts. I look forward to returning home with a fresh new outlook on life. Some of the units that have been here awhile are preparing to go home. You can tell the ones that are getting ready to go home. The seemed to be alittle giddy and happy. Signs go up everywhere soldiers selling all of their personal items from their trailers at bargain prices. I have to be patient because soon my time will come and I will become just like they are.

July 26 - I have to suit up and hit back out the gate. Keep me and my team in your prayers. Our new team chief really likes spending so much time 'outside the wire'. With about 4 months to go I don't want to relax because anything out here can happen. My adrenaline goes up every time I leave the gate. Also once you add 120 degrees heat on top of that. My body armor is beginning to get a smell to it because of all the sweat. I wear a do-rag under my helmet to help with all of the sweat that drips down into my eyes while I'm in the turret. To keep hydrated we came up with a technique of freezing our bottles of water. When I'm ready to go out on mission I grab a frozen bottle of water and sip the water as it melts. I really helps keep us cool during the day. I realize the importance of wearing these gloves they gave us. Now that we are hitting hot temperatures whenever I touch any of the metal on truck it burns my hands! It's not like touching a burner but more like holding a curling iron too long allowing the intensity to increase. The glasses are just as important because that not only blocks the sun but it also keeps the dust and dirt out of our eyes. Well I'm loaded up and ready to get into my truck. All of this stuff to wear but I understand it's significance. Did I say I have to wear headphones too? Whatever, I've got to go.

July 27 - Through all of this madness we have found humor in the midst of our circumstances. Our new chief has the habit of making long task lists for us. He sits down with a yellow lined notepad and begins to make these elaborate task lists. For example he has requested me to find these huge fire extinguishers that we can put in our trucks. We have already the small size tanks that fits under the seat. Instead he wants these big tank extinguishers that are the size of a tank that a scuba diver would wear on his back! We laugh because we have no idea wear to put them. Also he plans our missions that we do with the Iraqi police. He has come up with ideas to have the Iraqi police open up all the man hole covers and patrol the sewer system. He also one day had us bring out a gas can so that we could burn a field of heavily dense brush. Keep in mind that inside that dense area could be hidden ammunition rounds that could be easily set off or that we could accidentally burn up the nearby neighborhood! This is so funny that we also brought out with us weed whackers that you would buy at Lowe's. Some of the high grass was in all actuality bamboo like plants. Those weed whackers wouldn't have made it through the day attempting to cut through all that brush! Here's another one. He also asked our medic if he could be available to help a local Iraqi woman deliver her baby! So, we are beginning to laugh about these episodes rather than complain about them. Trust me we are keeping an eye on what we are being asked to do. Although these requests are quite far fetched we still have to remember there is still a war going on out there.

July 28 - The sweat is slowly dripping down the sides of my cheeks. It's as if I am crying that I feel the drops of sweat roll down my face and sometimes into my eyes. In the truck I ride on a bench seat that on some days does a great job on my butt! We are patrolling today in our neighborhood. There aren't too many people on the street today. We learned that the Iraqi soccer team is in the quarter finals of some major world soccer league. This helps with morale because the majority of the people here in Baghdad love soccer. They live for this game. What is sad is that the game that the Iraqi team won to get to the quarterfinals a bad incident happened at the end of the game. A suicide bomber blew up some spectators that were leaving the game. This angers me because these insurgents don't care what they do and who they do it to.

It amazes me how conditioned the young children are that when they see us they come out into the streets to wave us down to ask for candy. We stop temporarily at a intersection so that our lead truck can observe an abandon house. A little boy sticks his head out from the front gate of his house. He waves at me with a smile that only a boy of 5 years old can have. I always wait and play a game with them to see how they try to get my attention. The little boy smiles at me and give me a wave. I have my sunglasses on so he doesn't know if I am looking directly at him. I ignore him to wait and see what else he tries to do. The boy comes fully out of the gate from his house and he begins to jump up and down. They all do this strange hand gesture where they open and close both their fists. Well the youngster does get me to crack a smile. I begin to open a new bag of blow pops that I've gotten recently from one of my friends in a care package. I reward him by throwing two blow pops his direction. The boy's eye light up as he runs to the edge of the curb where they landed in the street. I know soon that once he retrieves the candy he will run back inside his house and display his treasure only to return with two or three more children. This is the only connection I have with these children. There are so many barriers for us to break through but one thing reigns true; children will always love candy.

July 29 - I am in our team room at the station. I heard a series of shots ring out. I hear over the radio that the Iraqi soccer team just won their semi-quarter final match. As I've said before these people love their soccer. Well where's there good news, bad news always seemed to follow. In the excitement of the celebration one of the Iraqi policemen accidentally shot himself in the leg! He was quickly taken to their medical treatment area for his wound. I am learning where all of this is going over here. The Iraqi Police do not like going out into the field without having some kind of support from the Americans. They have reasoned that they do not get attacked as much when they are followed by American forces. We have the fire power and air support that they would love to have. Also I have observed that the insurgents will attack Iraqi police checkpoints and convoys only when they see that these guys are alone. Our major goal is to train the Iraqis to take ownership for their own security needs. American fighting forces are trained to fight and kill the enemy at all levels. To me it defeats the purpose of us to continue to do this for them. We have lost many soldiers and equipment in our support of helping Iraq. American soldiers have made the ultimate sacrifice to serve their country. It is time for Iraqi citizens to make that same commitment to their country and not at the expense of American blood. This is a concept I don't feel they understand.

July 30 - I really miss my wife Wendy today. What a journey we have taken together. I met her when I was eighteen years old in college. I was just rebounding from a bad breakup with a girlfriend which brought me to this school in Massachusetts in the first place. My girlfriend broke up with me on the night before my parents were to drive me to start my freshman year at Dean College. I didn't have the heart to tell my parents that I didn't want to go. My girlfriend and I had plans for me to attend school there in which I would visit her in Boston on weekends. Well things didn't work out as planned. I met Wendy at a play audition the college theatre department was holding for it's spring production. Wendy began as a love interest for a friend mine who spotted her during freshman orientation. I remembered the first time I laid eyes on her. "What do you think of her" was my friend's question to me as we watched her auditioned for one of the parts in the play. "She's cute" was all I could manage as a critique. As time went on through our years at the college we formed a friendship that would soon blossom into a romance. This year we will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary! My heart still jumps whenever she walk into a room. Her eyes are the most unique color of blue and her sense of humor still makes me laugh. She is the only person who can make smile by just staring at me. She has been my cheerleader on the sidelines when I have to go out there and face a cruel and unforgiving world. She will never let me doubt myself. All of you think that I stay motivated all the time. That's not really true. My wife Wendy keeps me on track and she is the woman behind the 'Sgt. Roy' persona. I just miss her today. She is a great mom to our children and just a great overall person.

Sgt. Roy's Journal

(May - July 2007)