August 12 - I received a call from a MSG Gonzalez. She asked me if I had received my orders to Iraq. I knew that I had not but I was interested in her response when I would tell her that I didn't get them. It was almost a surprise when she told me that she would e-mail them to me. I made a joke saying "I guess I don't have to go?" I could tell that she found my comment amusing as she laughed as she said "yes, you have to go."

August 14 - I spent that weekend walking around the house being mentally numb. It was becoming all too real now. I would be away from home for over a year! My life was changing and I couldn't do anything about it. I wasn't scared, just numb.

August 31 - I was so nervous but I drop the news to my boss and coworkers today. Everyone was so supportive. One thing bothers me. When I told my friends just about everyone's response was the same. They would say "I'm so sorry." I can't understand what is there to be sorry about?

Sept. 9 - One of my dear students hosted a party for me at her home. It was the most outpouring of support that I have ever experienced in my life. Many of my students, who I now call friends, were displaying their emotions about how they felt about me. I took me by surprise. In my mind I don’t think what I do is such a big deal.

Sept. 12- Today is my 24th wedding anniversary. I can’t believe that we are still together after all these years! Most of our friends are on their second or third marriage by now. I knew without a doubt when I met my wife that I wanted her to be my wife. She is the best mom to our kids. She has done an outstanding job with them. I just wish that I could give her more. She has been so faithful to stand by me through the thick and thin. I couldn't ask God for more.

Sept. 14 - This is my last week at work. I will have attended a series of lunches and dinners for this week that will cover every meal. My friends and family have shown their support for me. As I walk the streets of downtown Charlotte during my lunch break the thoughts of not being here for a year really blows me away. As the people pass me going to and fro to work I wish I could stop them and say “remember me!” I want them to know that what we soldiers do affords them the opportunity to enjoy life’s pleasures such as eating in restaurants, driving the newest SUV and just plain walking around without the fear of death. I guess we all are guilt of taking for granted the freedoms we so carelessly enjoy.

Sept.15 – We are leaving for New York/Connecticut today. I am so excited. I haven’t been home since 2000. Various times work conflicts prevented me from coming home. I have to return to my home town before I go. This will give me comfort and reinforce my memories of the good times I had growing up.

Sept. 16 – We arrived in Connecticut about 9:00 a.m. in the morning. We drove by car because I couldn’t afford the airfare for the entire family. We visited my sister in law and her husband. It was great to be there. I spent a lot of time here when I was dating my wife. The air smelled fresh and was full of the upcoming autumn season. I loved it! I would go on for the next few days and visit my hometown in New York and my best friend in New Jersey. Before we headed back home we made a stop in Manhattan. I stopped by ground zero to visit where the World Trade Center towers used to be. I just stared in utter disbelieve. The area is surrounded by a chain link fence. Construction crews were working in this deep hole in the ground. I needed to see this so that I could have a strong mental picture of why I am going to war.

Sept. 21 – We arrived back home from our trip yesterday. We spent the night on Fort Lee at the guest house. We today is the day. I washed a few remaining article of clothes. The day was here. My wife and kids seemed to be in good spirits. I guess I wouldn’t see any emotion until my plane leaves. We arrived at the airport a few hours early to clear security. There were a few soldiers that were waiting in line to check in. All of sudden the attendant at the desk call for all of us soldiers to come forward to get our tickets. To my surprise our families were given passes also to wait with us in the departure area. I was so glad about that. I didn’t want to say good-bye at the check-in desk. People that were waiting for other flights looked at us soldiers with confirming smiles of support. There were representatives from the USO pointing us and our families to where they had setup a reception area for us. It was there that we waited for the next two hours until my plane took off. My son and daughter were busy sampling the treats while my wife and I sat holding hands in silence. Soldiers that I knew one by one came into the USO with their families. The time finally trickled down to the last 30 minutes. All of us gathered up our families and headed to our gate. The flight attendant called our seat numbers and one by one we kissed our loved ones good-bye. I kissed my son first, and then my daughter. I kissed and held my wife as if I were going to work for the day. I sense her sadness in her embrace. “I will be careful, I promise”, was last words that I said to her. I kissed her one more time and I headed down the portal to a year that I would spend with the military.

Sept. 22 – We are processing our records today. The people that I am with are from all walks of life. We have police officers, business men, correction officers, and yes even a lawyer or two. There is one guy who was on the plane that was so happy to be here that he wouldn’t even shut up on the plane. I know yours truly has the gift of gab but this talked the whole entire flight! It was like being on the plane with a bad Robin Williams.

Sept. 25 – We took our second flight out to the place we are going to train. Of course the ‘bad’ Robin Williams guy was in full gear throughout the flight. We flew this time from an Air Force base. They chartered a plane for us and we boarded from the runway. As we entered the plane the flight attendants were handing out bag lunches as we took our seats. I found this to be so funny. Are the airlines getting so cheap that now they have to hand out bag lunches instead of the standard in flight meal.

Sept. 26 – I’m in the northwest. It’s a little cool with some slight wind gusts. We got new ID cards today. The woman that processed me asked me “is your birthday in March?” We discovered that we both had the same birthday on the same day. I needed that little spark of coincidence because today was a rough day. I really miss the wife and kids today. I can’t wait to start training so that the days can go by fast.

Oct. 1 - I met the members of my team today. The team consists of a handful of officers and about a small team of sergeants. The officers seemed to be really young. The truth is all of the sergeants here are 40 plus years old including my myself. More and more the mission is clear. We are going to the middle east. The answer is the same, no one knows where. I was issued my patch which is the big red '1'. This is the famous First Infantry Division. I just hope that I can live up to the history.

Oct. 3 - I had my dental work done today. The dentist and the hygienist spent most of the time telling jokes while my mouth was clamped open. What makes this story funny is that the doctor was telling the most dirty jokes that should be told between men. It had to have been at least 10 minutes before they started working on my mouth. If I were a betting person I believe the doctor gave me additional shots of Novocain to continue his standup routine. When he was done my teeth were fixed and my face felt like 5 inches whale flubber.

Oct. 5 - We spent the entire day getting all our equipment. I received at least 3 duffle bags of equipment! Later that evening our team partook of some bowling and wings. As a fitness instructor I spent most of my time around women most of time. Spending some time with just men laughing and joking was so refreshing to me. Don't get me wrong, I really love being in the company of women but just with the guys it was so cool. There were 12 of us all together. !2 separate people coming together for a common cause. I didn't know anything about any of these guys. All I knew is that these guys represented a family. For a moment I got emotional because we all were going to a foreign country to live, train and yes fight together for one year! I am aware of my feelings about this but if these guys were willing to make this sacrifice will so am I! I have only a few accomplishments in my and being a soldier is one of them. I am so proud to be an American soldier in service to my country. Many Americans don't realize how blessed we are. I am going to a country that has been in a state of war for hundreds of years. The people are divided just about on every issue. Because of religious and ethnic differences they can't come together on any issue. I ask sometimes what makes us so different? I know one thing for sure that this country has taken into account the humanity of all people regardless of race, creed, color and now sexual orientation. Even though many ideas have gone against our Judeo-Christian history will still believe as a country that all people are created equal. The fact that I'm going to another country to represent that belief makes me proud. What disturbs me is that even though we have these freedoms we as Americans are so quick to take them for granted. I hear more complaints about what's wrong with America than I do about what's right with America! Usually the comments come from radical people that have never served in any capacity to this country. I'm going to Iraq where there is danger but it's easy to have an opinion on the future of this country from the safety of your easy chair! I dad's say that our way of life is perfect but all Americans should understand that the freedoms we now enjoy didn't come free, it came with a price.

Oct. 10 - Today is the day that we start our field training. Now we are moved into a room that sleeps 6 people in 3 bunk beds! My team consists of 11 people. We are a combination of different personalities. We have two that are quiet but friendly, two that are party animals but are too old to keep that gig going on a regular basis. We have one guy that is 51 years old and what makes him so interesting is that he has to have the comforts of home around him. For example, he somehow managed to get a coffee pot going that has an automatic timer on it so that each morning he has a fresh cup of coffee waiting on him before we begin training. We have a cowboy machinist, a fireman, a businessman, and of course me, a fitness instructor. I like my team. We balance each other really well.

Oct. 13 - We are qualifying with our weapons today. I'm nervous because I've never fired a pistol before! I'm carrying also an updated version of the M-16 that also has another weapon system mounted on it as well. Yeah, I know that's alot of fire power! Today is long day. We didn't get in until 10.30 p.m.. I didn't get a chance to each to eat lunch or dinner. I was so exhausted when I finally made it to my bunk. I know I push you guys to do your very best but I just realize that I have to start taking my own advise!

Oct. 15 - We have another long day at the range. I still have to qualify on my rifle. We are wearing our body armor all throughout the day. We added an additional 30 pounds to our body weight! I noticed that my hamstrings are extremely tight and my left knee was giving me so trouble as well. I was laughing because when we woke up this morning all of us were so stiff. We looked like we all belonged in the Michael Jackson 'Thiller' video. No worry, it's just something that we have to get used to. I'm not worried about that but when you add a temperature of 130 degrees heat index that will be a challenge!

Oct. 19 - We did the obstacle course today. All of 11 of us complete a course that had us climbing, crawling, straddling, and jumping, over and around stuff! We wore our helmets and carried our weapons. I couldn't believe that I made it. I saw that 50 foot cargo net in front of me and thought to myself "hell no!" With the grace of God on me and the cargo net in front of me I ascended up the net. After that, we navigated across two rope bridges, crawled through tunnels, swung across a overhead ladder, and low crawled on our backs under barbed wire through sand. At the end of the course I sat on a wood stump trying to catch my breath. As I regained my strength and my heart rate became normal I began to laugh out loud. The members of my team asked me "why are you laughing?" I stood up and started high fiving everyone and said "you guys made me look good!"

Oct. 22 - We are talking classes to speak Arabic. Picture this. A room of 50 men reciting phrase after phrase of Arabic sounding like we have chicken bones stuck in our throats! I think we are going to offend these people. We are tearing up their language. Especially the guys with the southern accents. We sound more like ducks. The poor man who is trying to help us is from Iraq. He has his work cut out for him.

Oct. 24 - We are doing a Combat Lifesaver course. We are giving each other IVs. Let me tell you this. It's a bloody mess! I gave one of my captains an IV. There was so much blood squirting out I though he was going to pass out from the sight of it! None of us are medical specialist. I hope nobody has to get an IV from me. I'm going to make them lose at least a liter of blood before I get the entire needle in!

Oct. 27 - I've got to share with you some of funny things that happen here. I won't give you the original names of persons in which I speak about. There is one sergeant in my section who we will call 'Mr. Coffee'. He is older than I am (thank God!) and the funny thing about Mr. Coffee is that we have determined that he is the type of soldier that has to have all of the amenities of home around him. When we were moving into our training barracks he was the first to go to Walmart and purchase those plastic 3 drawer storage bins. He also bought a coffee pot. This was the kicker, he also bought one of those rugs that you see in someone's bathroom. He placed that by his bed so that he could have something 'soft' to step on to in the morning! Mr. Coffee always can be found sweeping out the room on a daily basis because we track in mud on our boots everyday. During the day he can be found with coffee cup in hand during our breaks. He's a good sport about our teasing. Yesterday he came into my room and swept it clean. I asked him if he could come in on Wednesdays and do our windows. He just smiled and went on with the task. We all made offers to marry him but he refused.

Oct. 29 - There is another member of my team who we will call 'Skywalker'. Why do I call him 'Skywalker' He looks exactly like the actor in the last 'Star Wars' movie. He looks like the young Darth Vader (Annikan Skywalker). He is an officer. He's about 28 years old (old enough to be my son!). He is a regular army officer who happens to be an infantry officer. When we prepare to go out for our training he is always ready. He has all of his equipment snapped and ready to go. Out of all of us he has the most infantry training. He is always so serious. When we have down time he is always cleaning his weapon. I can tell that he gets annoyed at me because when I get a chance to sit down I am either writing letters to my family or writing in my diary. I believe we all will become friends. The truth is that all of us have to assess our strengths and weaknesses about each other and then use them to our advantage. Skywalker needs to smile or something - he makes me nervous!

Nov. 1 - We had training today on how to use the computerized compass. It is really a no brainer. You turn it on and the arrow immediately will let you know where north is. Once you type in your grid coordinates the arrow moves you in the direction of that point. Let me give you another character that I met. Let's just call him 'the Marshall'. We have an officer that is in one of my classes. When he speaks it is the most heaviest Texan accent you ever heard. When he speaks I can picture him with a big cowboy hat on and two six guns drawn. I believe he is a police officer by trade. During our cultural awareness classes he gets angry about the Iraqi justice system. His voice over powers the speaker so much that you can help but allow him to finish his point. If you don't then 'the Marshall' will shot you with one of his six guns. As I am listening to him vocally beat up the speaker of the class I am relieved. Why? I would be so afraid of this guy going off on some Iraqi citizen because someone didn't agree with him.

Nov. 4 - It's Saturday night and me and some of my teammates went out for a bite to eat. As we finished our meal a few of the guys began to order more and more drinks. It's amazing how intoxicated people start to tell you the stories that are wild and crazy. My buddy started to tell me a story about how as a kid he played donkey basketball. I thought that I had heard him incorrectly. "What did you say?" I asked. He started to tell me how as a kid he played donkey basketball. It was then that I went into hysterics laughing. Even though he was drunk, the expression on his face was serious. That didn't stop me from laughing. Then just like 'Bubba' in the movie Forrest Gump he started to tell me about all of the activities that he did as a kid involving a donkey. "We played donkey baseball' he said as my laughter was choking off my air supply. I almost died when he said that they played 'musical donkeys' (a form of musical chairs). By that time my face was red with laughter. I begged him to stop. That made my stay here worth it!

Nov. 7 - I haven't worked out in a gym in almost 4 weeks! I am starting to feel aches and pains in my knees, hips and lower back. They feed us 3 times a day. The PT (physical training) that we do doesn't even equal what I did in Charlotte teaching 5 to 7 times a week. It's mostly muscle endurance. Like example walking around in our full gear (battle rattle we call it). It weighs about 80 lbs. Today we were schedule to practice rollover drills. This is when the vehicle we ride in begins to flip over. We will practice exiting the vehicle from an upside down position. With the new armor on the vehicle doors (that weight 450 lbs.) it really take some precision to open those doors from an upside down position. The trick is not to panic. They have a simulator that they are going to put us in that will flip us upside down for this drill. I will let you know how it goes.

Nov. 10 - I qualified!!! The first two weeks we had to qualify with our M-16 rifle and M-9 pistol. Well I qualified with the pistol but I didn't with the rifle. Everything was going wrong for me that day. My helmet kept rising over my eyes whenever I would lay down to shoot. I could barely see the targets. Before we go shot pop up targets we do a thing called 'zeroing'. We shoot at a paper target to set up our sights on the rifle. Well I was able to zero but when it came for me to qualifying I shot horribly! After a careful analysis of that day. I realized that I didn't have the straps on my helmet pulled tight. I didn't expand the butt end of the rifle all the way out. I also didn't wear my knee or elbow pads which would have made my position on the ground more comfortable. So it was three weeks since that event that today I was given the chance to re-qualify. Thanks be to God! I hit those targets with no problem today. There's one other note I like to make. My section chief is a unique person. It is so amazing that God would know the type of person that I would have to work with. My chief is the coolest guy. Last night before I had to qualify I was oiling and cleaning my rifle getting it ready for today's qualification. My section chief was sensitive enough to notice that I was nervous about qualifying. I sat on a chair in our quietly cleaning my rifle. He tapped me on the shoulder and said "you will do great tomorrow." If you know men we are not very perceptive when it comes to the emotions arena. I was so impressed that he sensed my feelings about the issue. Personally my wife and a few of my closest female friends know me like a book but this man who I would be working with for year would catch that. I thank God for such a person. Trust me, guys are not one to get mushy. I just knew my year in Iraq would be all right. Plus he has the same personality that I have. Click on my photo gallery to view pictures of my team.

Nov. 11 - I was having a bad day. Being around these guys each day really gets to me sometimes. In order to connect to some of them I have to use profanity and crude language. One officer on my team told me one day, "If you cuss I will listen to you. If you cuss a little bit I might listen to you. If you don't cuss then I won't listen to you at all!" I told him "well I guess you won't be listening to me because I won't compromise my morals." "You won't?" he asked looking at me hoping I would surrender under his peer pressure. "No I won't" I bit back as if digging my heals in the ground. This week my daughter called me. She is in the middle of her drivers training. She loves it! She text messaged me and told me she was driving in downtown Charlotte. This is a girl that two years ago has gone through alot in her personal life. I am so proud of her! My baby girl is growing up! A lump forms in my throat as I think about it. I have to let her grow into her own. Two emotions split my heart. One of excitement watching her come into her own and the other wanting to keep her close to me, protecting her. My son called me today as well. He is such a fine young man. I love watching him grow up. It was painful to let him go as well. He is in college, drives his own car and also a member of the Army reserves like me. I am amazed how smart he is. He has his mother's smarts. He has my good looks, if I may say so myself. Being a man, a man doesn't ever want to appear 'not adequent' for any task. I with regular army and reserve soldiers. The experience of everyone is so diverse. Some days I feel like I can't keep up with the other soldiers. But when my wife or my children call me my spirit leaps within me! I realize what's important to me. It's no secret that I am getting older. I have to realize that I can't do the things that I did when I was 23 years old. I shouldn't be so hard on myself to expect otherwise. The fact that I can finish the day with the best of my ability, having done the best that I could makes me a winner in my eyes. There are other guys here that are my age and older. I salute them and praise them for ceasing the same opportunity that I choose to serve my country in this way.

Nov. 13 - Today I had to pretend to give a class to Iraqi soldiers. Here at Fort Riley they hired a team of Iraqi guys to be interpreters for our training. They setup several scenarios for us. One of them was our team visiting the town 'sheik' (pronounced as sheak). We walked into this room where they were seated. These guys had what we called 'the man dress' on with head dress and all. My chief and officers were there to listen to his needs that he wanted for his town. Arabic culture when you study it has an element that I like. Arabic culture is based on respect. The sheik will offer tea and light conversation to start the meeting. It is customary for him to ask you what we Americans might call 'private questions'. They would ask you questions about your family, job and how many children you had. One thing that you don't do is ask him about his wife or daughters. This is considered disrespectful. He will make certain requests of you but in their culture where relationships are important you would never say out rightly 'no'. In Arabic culture the term is called 'Acclaim' that means 'if it's God's will'. So if you couldn't help him, you would say 'if it's God's will we will try to best meet the needs of your town.' This would be an acceptable answer. I am learning how to speak Arabic as well. If we at least attempt to make an effort to speak their language this will be received as a respectful gesture.

Nov. 15. - I had to qualify with the M-240 machine gun. It was freezing out at the range! Me and three other guys who were assigned to the gun on our team had to get qualified. Later that evening we had to also night fire the weapon. I had to fire this machine mounted on the top of our vehicle! It was about 7:30 p.m. when they turned off the range lights and it was pitch black. I couldn't see a single target down range. We had to hit the target 11 times out of the 50 rounds we were given. You would think with that much ammo it would be easy but it was funny to a soldier fire 50 rounds of ammo at a target and not hit it a single time! It was my turn so the first attempt I didn't qualify. I think I got 4 hits. Second time I did something different. When I fire my rifle I shoot left handed. So on this machine gun I shot left handed. I had to look down this thermal heat scope to see my targets down range. So what I did different was to shoot right handed to ensure that my machine gun was pointing in the right lane. Would you believe I hit 11 targets! Hey whatever works baby!

Nov. 22 - Today I flew back to Charlotte! They gave a mini Thanksgiving break. It was great to see my family and sleep in my own bed!! Sleeping in a room with 6 guys is tough. Our room smells like feet, underwear and corn chips. When I get back to Fort Riley I will have 21 days left to my training. I also found out that I will be given a Christmas break. The Harris YMCA has booked me for 3 classes during the 22 - 29th of December. Call for details 704-716-6908. I hope to see everyone there. My rhythm will be off alittle but I am going to rock the house! My wife cooked an amazing dinner and home couldn't be any better.

Nov. 26. - I'm in the airport waiting for my flight back to Kansas. The time was short but well needed. There was one day that I wanted to do a class but it was weird that no one knew that I was in town! I sat there in my uniform waiting for my flight. I watched all of the people going to and fro to their destination. Some of them would pass me and almost as if as a honor they would smile at me. I realized that a soldier's life might seem glamorous but it doesn't. I know as soon as I touch down I will miss my wife, kids, and being home. It makes me laugh because the little things that you take for granted such as the grass in your backyard or sitting at your kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee becomes such a gift. I know when I get back for good I won't take these little things for granted anymore. My daughter just got her learner's permit to drive. I got a lump in my throat when she drove me around town the whole time I was home. I remembered when she couldn't even ride a bike. I would run behind her holding the seat and cheering her on as her confidence grew with every stroke of the pedal. My son bought his first car and is off on his journey to adulthood. I know this sounds mushy but it's true you have to stop to smell the roses!

Nov. 29 - After having a great break with my family it was hard to get things started back up for training. Pretty much we are about 75% done with our training here at Camp Funston. The language labs are becoming something that some of the guys don't want to do. They are teaching us full sentences and it can become quite involved. I know how to say 'hello', 'thank you', 'what is your name?' and of course 'what's happening?' in arabic. I can't believe that in 30 days from now I will be in the city of Baghdad. I've talked with some of the soldiers that were over there and they all say that the summer heat is going to be unbearable! Well as for me I will use this as an opportunity to lose a few pounds!

Dec. 1 - It's December!!! I will be coming home for a short Christmas break for about 10 days! I am so excited about that! The food in the mess hall is starting to get to me. I found out from some of the guys that the mess hall has been adding additives in our food! No not to reduce our sex drive but to add calories! Trust me the majority of us guys around here can stand to lose a few pounds around our midsections! The menu seems to repeat itself every 3 days. I have seen chicken and ground beef cooked so many different ways it makes me sick to eat it. I can tell that it's time for us to leave because when we are done at the end of the day the guys in my room watch these shows: Divorce Court, Maury Show, Geraldo, and Judge Alex. I have never seen such a waste of the brain in my life! Especially when the Maury show exposes men who have denied fatherhood of the women who have accused them. You should see this. My guys are glued to their chairs!

Dec. 3 - Today we went out as a team to practice entering an Iraqi town. I am so impressed because the Army has hired people that speak Iraqi to be role players in our training. We pulled a make shift Iraqi village. There were people there that were dressed like Iraqis. We were executing an operation with an Iraqi army force. The object of training was to get use to working with an interpeter to accomplish our mission. My team leader met with the Iraqi leader and through an interpeter hashed out plans to search for insurgents in that town. Our focus was to be advisors to the Iraqi force and coach them on proper proceedures for searching. When we got there it looked so real! The Iraqi commander only spoke arabic and our interpeter communicated for us. The only problem I had was being very uncomfortable of the town people walking right up on me. That is too close for me.

Dec. 7 - Today's training was totally cool. We were in a automobile simulator. This simulated us driving in our vehicle and suddenly our vehicle would flip over. I got inside with all of my equipment and weapon. The started the machine and they rocked us from side to side. Finally they would flip us upside down. It was the weirdest feeling because I had to use my arms to brace my body weight. I had to go through it 3 times. At one time I was upside down on my face! I had to unbuckle my seat belt (which held me in) and then rotate my body to a upright position so that I could open the door to get out. This training helps us with what to do should our vehicle roll over on it's back. It was fun but I hope this never happens.

Dec. 11 - Today is the week where we start our final evaluation for our team. We will move out of our current barracks and move into a compound that is setup just like a FOB (Forward Observation Base). We arrive later in the morning and this place is on the back end of the post. Instead of sleeping in a room with 6 guys this time it's an open bay consisting of about hundred guys! It is three rows of bunk beds. There is also located in the other barracks Iraqi role players and real Iraqi interpreters. The bathrooms are located in another building. Yes, you guessed it, open showers, toilets with no doors and rows upon rows of urinals. I thought the food at our barracks were bad this is worst! The chow comes out to us in green containers. My first night in the barracks was difficult to sleep. It sounded like feeding time at the Bronx Zoo! There were at least 30 guys that snore. Mix that in with the incoming sounds of gas intermittently popping off it was a difficult night to sleep.

Dec. 14. - Wow Christmas is almost here. Since I've been here I haven't had a sense of the Christmas season. There is one team here that has a Christmas tree in their room. I told my guys that we should play some Christmas music in our room but my comment was met with jokes of sarcasm. We are going to get a little Christmas break to come home. This is my last one before I leave the country. My team can really use the time off. Just this week I can tell that sensitivities among us are growing. Team members are getting a little testy with each other. There was one team yesterday in which two sergeants had a fist fight! We haven't even started our year over there and already personalities are already conflicting with each other. I have to admit that I have had a few issues with several of my team members myself. For me I tend to be quiet and choose which battles that I want to fight. As I've written about many times most of the guys in the military have had issues with broken marriages, and personal issues. There is always present intense peer pressure to cuss, degrade women, and indulge sex, drinking and to name others. When you don't, you are perceived as being weak or soft. I choose to live with that. One for starters I am a Christian, second, I am older and been there done that! Thirdly, it causes too much pain in the end. I try to at least try to be a role model. It doesn't mean that they can't get me mad either. I have a fictitious character that I call Leon. Leon is my alter ego. Leon is a big black man who will stand up when he is fed up and will tell you exactly how he feels. He will chew you to pieces! Leon has a big afro and one gold tooth. He doesn't care about hurting your feelings because you started something that he is going to finish! I bring Leon out very rarely but it's nice to know he's there when I need him.

Dec. 19 - We graduate tomorrow. Finally. It's been a long 2 months. I can tell that the guys are getting restless. I am going home tomorrow for my Christmas break. As for me I need to get home. I got into fight with another sergeant in my group. This guy was picking on me day after day. I was brunt of his jokes just about everyday. At first I would laugh and just to let the moment pass. Each day he was becoming more and more intense in his course joking. Last night the joking started again and it was then that I responded back to him with course joking. Well to make a long story short he got very short with me. So much so that he threaten to fight me. Well let's put it this way, I out weigh him by at least 70 pounds! I asked him how long he wanted his hospital stay but our Captain jumped in between us and broke us up. He ordered us to keep quiet. There was a moment when the sergeant sat across the room from me and just tried to stare me down. I was sitting on my bed and I stared right back at him with a smile on my face. I knew that someone had to do the right thing. It was obvious that that person would be me. Sometimes I hate when I have to do the right thing!

Dec. 21 - I am in the Kansas City International airport waiting for my flight. I can't wait to see the wife and the kids. My wife got me a great price on a ticket. Christmas will be alittle tight this year. We had an unexpected situation that came up. There are a lot of people traveling for Christmas.

Dec. 23 - It is so great to be home in my bed and eating some home cooking. One thing that I have noticed is that my wife really has everything under control. There is not much for me to do. She is a very strong person. I worry sometimes for her. She can get alittle overwhelmed by the responsibilities. My daughter has her drivers permit and she has been driving me all around Charlotte. She is so confident. I am so proud of her. She has been through alot. My son is working out some issues and has changed alot too. My family is so precious to me. It is so hard to let go of things but it is necessary.

Dec. 25 - Merry Christmas! The older I get I am getting more and more turned off by the commercial side of Christmas. Why? For us Christians, Christmas is the acknowledgment of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The Christmas that is being portrayed in the stores and on television is a different celebration. It's the celebration of the 'dollar'. How, what, when and where you can spend your dollars during this season. It saddens me because the birth of Jesus is so important. He is the reason why I am a changed man today. Jesus has touched the lives of so many people. Just to give him one day it is not enough. I am sorry but material things will pass away but the love of Jesus is eternal. So to all who share my sediments, Merry Christmas and praise be to our God and Lord and Savior Jesus for coming into this world to save us. This is Christmas for me and will always be.

Dec. 29 - I have to go back to Fort Riley tomorrow. This time off has gone so fast! This time I will be home in 6 or 7 months! Really since I've been home it's like I have had been stuck in a time warp. I can't move forward on any plans until this deployment is done. While I was here I taught a few aerobic classes. It was great to see some of my students. Mostly everyone was away for the holidays but nonetheless the great to strap on the old microphone.

Dec. 30 - Alot of you know me that I can find inspiration in the smallest of places. I gave the attendant my ticket and she to my surprise assigned me a seat in the first class section. I graciously accepted the gift from her and took my seat in first class near the widow on this United Airlines flight headed for Kansas City. It was then that this black man came on the plane with his son. He was using a walker and it appeared that the left side of his body was paralyzed. His young son and the flight attendant assisted him in taking his seat which was next to me. As he sat down I too joined in and helped him find and fasten his seat belt. "Hi, how are you doing?" was his greeting to me. "Fine" I replied as I fastened my seatbelt. As we waited for the plane to take off he had told me that he was once in the army. I thought because of his condition that maybe he had been in a car accident. He appeared to be young. My guess was that he was at least 38 years old. The fact that he had been in the army my next guess was that he was wounded from the war. Our plane was finally airborne and we spent the past hour talking about our personal experiences in the military. Some of the conversation rolled into our families and life's philosophies. It was then that he spoke about his condition. He had had a stroke at the age of 39! He was 42 old and he was living with the results of having a stroke. I was blown away! He told me how he is taking life one day at a time and how he is taking his health serious now. This man is only 42! It was then on that plane that I really thanked God for my life. I asked God to forgive my complaining when I thought that life was treating me so unfair. For the rest of the flight this man and I shared more stories about our lives. To me this man was a source of inspiration for me. He didn't quit or complain. He had every right to be mad at God but he was thankful for what he had.

Jan. 2 -Today is the day that we pack up and finally move out of this compound en route to Kuwait. The snow here doesn't stay very long on the ground. The weather is a comfortable 57 degrees today. We spent last night packing our bags. We are only authorized 4 duffle bags, 1 laptop, 1 ruck sack and 1 carry on. I know for me that I just barely made it. Thanks to you guys again for sending me care packages while I was here. I still had some items left over. I just barely got every packed into those bags! Let's just say that it took a crow bar, shoe horn and duck tape to close my bags! Happy New Year to you all. I pray that God grants you the desires of your heart this year and that each of you grow in a deeper relationship with him. I was here when the year turned over. A friend and I watched the New Year come in downtown Aggieville which is located near the Kansas State University. The crowd was a little younger but we had a good time. I really missed my wife and kids. God has brought my family and I through a lot last year. My wife is a strong person. She really has a strong faith in God. She had to deal with the sickness of my daughter, issues with my son, and now my deployment. I love that woman. She doesn't spend alot of time on herself like I want her to. She does her own nails and even cuts her own hair! I ordered her that while I was away that she should pamper herself but as always she graciously declines. This year will be our 25th anniversary and I am working it out to be home for the event. Today is going to be a long day. The talk around the barracks says that we will land in Kuwait in the early morning. I have been out the country before but this is my first time in the middle east. The men are excited about leaving today. It's been a long 60 days. This where I start my daily prayers of God watching over us and returning home safe.

Jan. 3 - We left Fort Riley last night at about 9:30 p.m. last night. They brought us to this gymnasium where they made us stand on these scales with all of our armor and equipment on and holding our laptops and carry on baggage in our hands. I weighed in at 368 pounds! I can truthfully say that 250 of those pounds are mine. By the time we made it to the airfield it was about midnight. We took off and landed in a German town at 4:30 p.m. just outside Berlin to refuel. The flight was about 8 hours during the night. I slept on and off during the night. They let us get off the plane for about an hour to stretch our legs. I lost a whole day! It's so weird flying over all of these countries. We flew over England, Ireland, France, Istanbul, Israel and of course landing in Kuwait. We have 4 more hours to go. It is so funny the food on the airplane is pretty good. I guess I have been victimized by the food in the mess hall too long. Our plane is huge. Two sets of seats on each side with a set of three seats forming a row in the middle. They are showing us movies and keeping the soft drinks and coffee flowing. I can't believe it that in just two hours I will be in the middle east. There are about three hundred of us on this flight. I know I shouldn't think about it but as we took off today I had the thought of just how many of these guys won't make it back? Well I will do everything in my power to watch myself and my team to make sure we make it back.

Jan. 4 - We are here! We arrived in Kuwait City about 11:45 p.m. on January 4th! I am totally exhausted from traveling. I took two days to get here! I couldn't sleep on the plane. It felt like I slept 6 hours in two days! It's almost midnight and it's pretty cool outside. I would love to take a tour through the city but I know better. We are going straight to the camp from here. The buses have pulled up on the runway near our plane to pick us up. Before I left Kansas a friend let me borrow his cell phone to call home. As I was walking up the runway to enter the plane bound for Kuwait I called home to my wife and kids and told them that I loved them. My wife asked me why did I sound so winded. I was carrying my weapon, laptop bag and back pack up the runway while I was at the same time trying to keep the phone to my ear.

Jan. 5 - I want to dedicate this entry to my son. Today he is twenty years old! My first born child is all grown up! I want him to know that I am so proud to be his dad. When we brought him home from the hospital I would go to his nursery and just stare at him. I prayed to God to show me how to raise this child. I was in total fear of what to do with this child but at the same time excited by the beauty and miracle of God giving him to us. I want him to grow up to be more than what I am. I want him to go further in his education, and most important I want him to love God just as much if not more as I do. He has recently had some setbacks but I have no doubt that the strength that God has placed in him will help him overcome any obstacle! At the same time it hurts to let him go. When he was alittle boy I was the center of his attention but I had to step aside to allow him experience hurt, pain, joy and the struggles of life. This has been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do in my life. I'm still not at a place where I can relax. I don't think any parent is. So happy birthday son. Sorry that I can't be there but when this gig is over we will have fun making it up.

Jan. 7 - I had a bit of sore throat going on. The jet lag is wearing me out. My body is still on eastern standard time. We been at this camp for 4 days now. It's pretty impressive. The Kuwaitees do most of all the services here. The mess hall is incredible. There are 3 lines for short order, main meal and sandwiches. There is a mini Baskin Robbins area for ice-cream (I need to stay away from that!). There is all kinds of fruit and salad to choose from. There are refrigerator cases of all kinds of juices and bottle water everywhere you look!

Jan. 11 - Today was so funny. We were doing some training outside the camp today. When the sun comes up there are so many herds of camel! We were training at this place that was made to look like a town. My chief and one of the officers was talking to one of the Iraqi role players when just then a camel walked over to where they were talking! Of course the men dispersed quickly but the camel kept following my chief all the way to his truck! We were all laughing so hysterically. It blown our military moment but it was worth it.

Jan. 13 - We arrived in Iraq! The weather here is not much different than Kuwait. My team and I were waiting in Baghdad airport for our helicopter (I've never ridden one) to our next training facility. There are a lot of palm trees within the city. From my view Baghdad has a certain beauty to it. In the distance I could hear motar rounds landing. Of course I'm nervous but for me I know God has ordered my foot steps.

Jan. 15 - We are staying in some barracks that were occupied at one time by Saddam's soldiers! The bunk beds are made out of thin metal and the wall lockers are thin metal with sharp edges. How do I know? I just cut a chunk out of my hand. My first war wound! The training here is pretty much the same but the staff is from England to Egypt. I can't wait to get to work.

Jan. 18 - You can find a funny story anywhere. I can't give names but there is a soldier here that when he cuts his hair he looks just like Hitler! I saw him in a meeting and kept staring at him saying to myself that he looks familiar. Then it dawned on me, he looks like Hitler! I was laughing out of control! It made my day because I was dealing with a slight case of home sickness. We are winding down on our training here at this facility. We will move next week into Baghdah. I can hear mortar rounds in the distance. It's so freaky to really hear that. We have had so many briefs and slide presentations that I am about to go crazy! Last night for dinner we had lobster tails with crab legs. Who would have thought that to get a decent meal from the army I would have to go to Baghdad! I've working out six days a week. It's hard not having my class to motivate. I just pretend that they are in front of me. Hey whatever works, right?

Jan. 19 – We are processing our records today. The people that I am with are from all walks of life. We have police officers, business men, correction officers, and yes even a lawyer or two. There is one guy who was on the plane that was so happy to be here that he wouldn’t even shut up on the plane. I know yours truly has the gift of gab but this talked the whole entire flight! It was like being on the plane with a bad Robin Williams.

Jan. 21 – Today is 4 months since I've reported to active duty! Sadly enough we had a large number of casualties last night. For informational purposes I can't mention the details. I am know coming to grips with what's going on over here. The country needs a lot of work. To change this society's way of thinking here is a huge undertaking! There are some cultural things here that are beyond my understanding. The people lack in my opinion patriotism for the country. It's more of a 'me' society. I'm starting to understand it because of their history and the things that they have gone through. There is 50% unemployment mixed with a high illiteracy rate. It's a hard life for such a beautiful country. Pray for me I've got to fly out tonight to my base camp tonight. The weather is not so good tonight.

Jan. 22 - We flew back into Baghdad. We are at another camp. Downtown Iraq is just outside the gate! I haven't been down there yet but I know it's coming. This camp is located where one of Sadaam's palaces is! This complex is beautiful. Sadaam really hid the goods from the people. There is a lake that runs throughout the complex. There are a couple of small beach houses located around the lake where he entertained guests. There is a mosque where the art work on it is simply beautiful. The roads that run through the complex are lined with palm trees. It's a paradise in my opinion. I think Bush can't compare this to Camp David. The weather here is cold in the morning and as the day progresses it warms up. I know the hot days are just around the corner. The mess hall is amazing. The have a main entree line (3 choices), of course the hamburger/hot-dog line, and then a deli bar, hot wings bar, dessert bar, ice cream bar and my favorite a bar that serves Indian food! Anything that you want to drink including nonalcoholic beer! All of the workers are Iraqi. These people can cook too! Believe me when there is so much food I tend to not eat right. One day I had 3 of my favorite meats on my plate with no veggies!

Jan. 24 - We met the guys who we are relieving. They took us around the complex today. We flew in on Blackhawk helicopters. It was a sad time because we heard that a Blackhawk had gone down the night before. We sat for 2 hours at the airport waiting for our flight. We the helicopter finally came I sensed that the guys were nervous. I prayed right there for our travel and safety. This was at night and traveling over Baghdad in a helicopter is dangerous because a rocket can be shot up at you! As I said we arrived safely. Today we are being given the tour around the complex. One of the things that is hard for us coming in. That is we are in a 'war zone' and our behavior and awareness should not be relaxed as if were at a normal post in the states. Sure there are walls separating us from the rest of Baghdad but anything could change here. They say that sometimes they can get mortar attacks during the month here. Wow!

Jan. 28 - I just got my gear from the team who we are replacing. To make matters worse I have to add a side plates and shoulder protectors to my body armor! This add an additional 10 pounds! I made a joke to the guys and said 'please just shoot me!' With the side plates it makes my hips bigger. I still have to climb in and out of the vehicle with all that weight. Tomorrow I go what we call 'outside of the wire'. I am going downtown to meet members of the Iraqi National Police. It will be dangerous, so our visit with them will be short and brief. Last night I had dinner by myself. I met a gentleman a civilian man about in his mid sixties who work here as a contractor at this camp. First I found out that we had one thing in common. We both were from the same county in New York. He is an Italian immigrant who worked hard and raised his children. He explained to me that he has nearly worked all over the world. He said this situation here that this was the most 'self centered and selfish society he has ever seen! Wow! He went on further to explain that he understood their history and to make significant changes here it would take a long time. I tended to agree with him.

Jan. 30 - My team and I headed out this morning to meet the Iraqi National police personnel. Unbeknownst to me I was asked to ride in the gunner position! I've trained only alittle at this position but this time we were headed towards downtown Baghdad! With all of my equipment on it's really a chore to maneuver myself in and out of that hatch. Well I got up there and I must say myself that I looked pretty awesome! I had my Oakley sunglasses on and a serious 'you stole my lunch' look on my face! I had to lock and load my machine gun as we left the camp. My job was the rear security for our convoy. There is so much dust. I ate a dust sandwich the whole day. As we made our way downtown it was the worst thing that I have ever seen. People were living in areas that were cluttered with rubble and trash! Even though some of the buildings had remnants of the past on them that once made this city great this place is devastated! I couldn't allow myself to get caught up in the scenery because I had to stay alert at my post. For the first time in 23 years of service this was the REAL deal here. This was not just another field exercise. We drove through the city with precision. We made sure we were not in any one place too long. I had to swing my gun from right to left to scan the road behind us. One thing that struck me was that children will be children no matter were you go. There were groups of little boys playing soccer in the street. We even saw a little boy pointing a 'toy' gun at us. I found that disturbing of course. But to live like this day in and day out is beyond my comprehension. Listen when I tell you that as Americans we are blessed! These people don't even have running water in their houses or an indoor bathroom. Their use of electricity is limited also. They live in constant fear of death. We don't even think about it. You can step right outside your door and take a walk down the street and get a coffee at Starbucks. You can spend the weekend shopping and enjoying a lunch at your favorite restaurant. These people can't do that. I know a lot of their problems are internal but since I've been here I become more and more grateful that I am a American. Despite whatever your political views are I will tell you this for sure and without a doubt, trust me, you would be glad that you don't live here. I will be updating my site where I can show you some video clips of my journey through this experience.

Feb. 2 - We've gone out several times into the city. As we drive throughout the city it isn't a city compared to most American cities. It's more like a 'congested suburbs' type of area. I met with my Iraqi counterpart and we spoke of course through an interpreter. We both welcomed each other. I could tell that he was impressed that I spoke a few words of Arabic. Today was pay day for his troops so our conversation was brief but to the point. We had made plans to talk next week. So I made my way back to our vehicles outside. As we were waiting for the rest of our team members I so many Iraqi children playing outside and around our vehicles. Of course by now, they have come accustomed to US soldiers giving them candy. There was one interesting moment. A merchant came up and handed one of the soldiers a bag of bread. I was watching this from my truck. The soldier caught my eye and came over to us and offer some of his bread. My guys in my truck turned down the offer. They were afraid that they were going to get sick. Well yours truly accepted the offer. I took a piece of bread from the soldier and went back to my truck. Let me tell you!!! That was the most delicious piece of homemade bread that I have ever had!!!! Subway needs a lesson on how to make it! Another image caught my eye. There were so many boys playing and running up and down the street. Except there was a little Iraqi girl, about 7 or 8 years old trying to keep up with them. I didn't know if her brother or brothers were part of the pack and she wanted desperately to keep up with them or not. She reminded me of my daughter. She had the same coloring and hair that my daughter has. Watching her brought back memories of when my daughter and I would dance in the kitchen. I would hum a made up swing jazz tune and she and I would swing dance in the kitchen. You know to this day if I grab her and hum that tune she will still dance with me!